cerated for four or five months, one
of my ankles occasionally pained me. The day fixed for my trial at last
drew nigh, and so confident had I become that I should be liberated
without a trial, that I had my clothes packed and ready to take abroad
with me. I intended to leave the country for ever, and seek a new home
in a distant land, where the prejudices of friends and society would
not debar me from all the channels of honour and usefulness. I was
removed a few days previous to the date fixed for my trial to the
prison in the city where it was appointed to take place, and I then had
my first experience of handcuffs.

At length the eventful morning arrived that I was led to believe would
set me free. I entered the court with a beating heart, and was placed
in the dock between two policemen. I felt ashamed to lift my head or to
look around me, but I had seen as I entered that the space open to the
public was crowded with the better class of citizens. The judges, of
whom there were three, soon appeared and took their seats upon the
bench, and began conversing with each other upon my indictment. One of
them was overheard saying, "It would be a very difficult case to
prove." Meanwhile some consultation was taking place amongst the legal
gentlemen in front of me, when my agent and counsel came and, for the
first time, informed me that my trial might take place without the
continental witnesses, and that supposing I was acquitted I could be
tried again on two of the bills; that already there was a warrant out
against me, and I should be arrested a second time on leaving the dock!
The crown was willing, however, they said, to accept a limited plea of
guilt; that I would be sentenced to only a few months' imprisonment,
not longer perhaps than I would have to endure in suspense, waiting a
second and perhaps a third trial, and that it would be better for me to
tender the plea of guilt the crown was willing to accept!

This advice, so unexpected and so different from what I had formerly
received, given at the very last moment, had the effect of entirely
unhinging my mind, and for the moment I seemed paralysed.

Of this I was conscious, however, that the continuance of suspense,
that most painful of all suffering, combined with the compulsory
oatmeal treatment of remanded Scottish prisoners, would kill me; still
I could not bring myself to utter the words placed in my hands for that
purpose; I waited, and hesitated, and wondere