spite of all his harshness,
his coldness, and evident dislike, my heart yearns to my father. Would
he but permit me, I would love and respect him as fondly as ever child
did a parent, and when, after beholding his cruelty to my mother, my
heart has sometimes almost involuntarily reproached him and risen in
rebellion against him, the remorse which instantly follows adds to that
heavy burden which bows me to the earth. We leave England in May, if I
am sufficiently strong. I do not think we shall visit London, but travel
leisurely along the coast to Dover. I wish I could see you once more,
for I know not if we shall ever meet again, dear Emmeline; but perhaps
it is better not, it would only heighten the pain of separation. I
should like much to have written to your kind good mother with this, but
I fear my strength will not permit, yet perhaps, if she have one
half-hour's leisure, she will write to me again; her letters indeed are
my comfort and support. I thank your brother Herbert for his many kind
and affectionate messages; tell him all you will of our plans, and tell
him--tell him--his sister Mary will never forget the brother of her
childhood--the kind, the sympathising companion of her youth. To Percy,
too, remember me; and say all your own affection would dictate to
Caroline and Ellen. I would have written to the latter, but my weakness
will I know prove my best excuse. Before I quite conclude, let me say
how pleased I am to think that, although you still regret Oakwood, you
can find some pleasures in your present life. The society you describe
must be agreeable. I could scarcely, however, refrain from smiling at
your simplicity, my dear Emmeline, in imagining that all who visited at
your father's house would be as delightful and estimable as those whom
your second letter so eloquently described. Why are we so constantly
commanded to be charitable in our intercourse one with another? Must it
not be because our Great Master knew that we all had failings, some more
than others? if all were as worthy and virtuous as some appear, there
would be no need to practise such a virtue; but it is in a mixed society
it is more frequently called into play. More, would we preserve our own
virtue and piety, we must be charitable. We must look on the weaknesses
of our fellow-creatures with mercy and kindness, or how can we demand it
for ourselves? I am no advocate for seclusion in general, though my own
feelings prefer a quiet life.