egin to keep up
with you. When I try to read my polyglot, the baby comes and bites the
corners, and squeals till I put it away and take him up."

As the winter wore away I arrived at this conclusion: If I were in fact
destined to death in the spring, my wife could not help herself or me by
the knowledge of it. If events proved that I was deluded in the dread,
and I had shared it with her, she would have had all her pain and
anxiety to no purpose. In either case I would insure her happiness for
these few months; they might be her last happy months. At any rate
happiness was a good thing, and she could not have too much of it. To
say that I myself felt no uneasiness as to the event would be
affectation. The old sword of Damocles hung over me. The hair might
hold, but it was a hair.

As the winter passed,--it seemed to me as if winter had never passed so
rapidly before,--I found it natural to watch my health with the most
careful scrutiny; to avoid improper food and undue excitement; to
refrain from long and perilous journeys; to consider whether each new
cook who entered the family might have occasion to poison me. It was an
anomaly which I did not observe at the time, that while in my heart of
hearts I expected to breathe my last upon the second of May, I yet
cherished a distinct plan of fighting, cheating, persuading, or
overmatching death.

I closed a large speculation on which I had been inclined, in the
summer, to "fly"; Alison could never manage petroleum ventures. I wound
up my business in a safe and systematic manner. "Hotchkiss must mean to
retire," people said. I revised my will, and held one long and necessary
conversation with my wife about her future, should "anything happen" to
me. She listened and planned without tears or exclamations; but after we
had finished the talk, she crept up to me with a quiet, puzzled sadness
that I could not bear.

"You are growing so blue lately, Fred! Why, what can 'happen' to you? I
don't believe God can mean to leave me here after you are gone; I don't
believe he _can_ mean to!"

All through the sweet spring days we were much together. I went late to
the office. I came home early. I spent the beautiful twilights at home.
I followed her about the house. I made her read to me, sing to me, sit
by me, touch me with her little, soft hand. I watched her face till the
sight choked me. How soon before she would know? How soon?

"I feel as if we'd just been married over again,"