ain on your way home from school!"

"Y-yes, sir."

"Didn't I tell you this sort of business had got to stop?"

"Yes, pa, but--"

"No excuses, sir! You probably provoked the quarrel!"

"Oh, no! no! He called me names!"

"Names? What of it? When a boy calls you names walk along about your
business. Take off that coat!"

"But he didn't call me names!"

"Oh, he didn't? Take off that vest!"

"When he called me names I never looked at him, but when he pitched into
you, I--I had to fight!"

"What! Did he call me names?"

"Lots of 'em, father! He said you lied to your constituents, and went
back on the caucus and had!"--

"William, put on your coat and vest, and here's a nickel to buy peanuts!
I don't want you to come up a slugger, and I wish you to stand well with
your teacher, but if you can lick the boy who says I ever bolted a
regular nomination or went back on my end of the ward, don't be afraid
to sail in!"--_Free Press._

* * * * *

One of the Harvard students has fitted up his room at a cost of $4,000.
We suspect that the young man's room is better than his company.

* * * * *

"Don't be afraid," said a snob to a German laborer: "sit down and make
yourself my equal." "I would haff to blow my brains out," was the reply
of the Teuton.

* * * * *

"Yes," said Mrs. Egomoi, "I used to think a great deal of Mrs. Goode,
she was always so kind to me; but then, I've found out that she treats
everybody just the same."

* * * * *

Jerrold said to an ardent young gentleman, who burned with a desire to
see himself in print: "Be advised by me, young man: don't take down the
shutters before there is something in the window."

* * * * *

Arthur--"I say, what do you mean by fighting my hog all the time?"

Bismarck--"I means nodding in de vorld; I vash not fighting dot pig. We
vash choost playing mit one anudder."

* * * * *

"Yes," said a fashionable lady, "I think Mary has made a very good
match. I heard her husband is one of the shrewdest and most unprincipled
lawyers in the profession, and of course he can afford to gratify her
every wish."

PRINTER'S INK.

Little drops of printer's ink,
A little type "displayed,"
Make our merchant bosses
And all their big parade.

Little bits of