r full chorus _fortissimo_ ha,
ha, ha! My master employs his leisure-hours in marking out the plays,
like a cathedral chanting-book, that the ignorant may know where to
laugh; and that pit, box, and gallery may keep time together, and not
have a snigger in one part of the house, a broad grin in the other, and
a d----d grum look in the third. How delightful to see the audience all
smile together, then look on their books, then twist their mouths into
an agreeable simper, then altogether shake the house with a general ha,
ha, ha! loud as a full chorus of Handel's at an Abbey-commemoration.

JONATHAN. Ha, ha, ha! that's dang'd cute, I swear.

JESSAMY. The gentlemen, you see, will laugh the tenor; the ladies will
play the counter-tenor; the beaux will squeak the treble; and our jolly
friends in the gallery a thorough bass, ho, ho, ho!

JONATHAN. Well, can't you let me see that gamut?

JESSAMY. Oh! yes, Mr. Jonathan; here it is. [_Takes out a book._] Oh!
no, this is only a titter with its variations. Ah, here it is. [_Takes
out another._] Now, you must know, Mr. Jonathan, this is a piece written
by Ben Johnson [_sic_], which I have set to my master's gamut. The
places where you must smile, look grave, or laugh outright, are marked
below the line. Now look over me. "There was a certain man"--now you
must smile.

JONATHAN. Well, read it again; I warrant I'll mind my eye.

JESSAMY. "There was a certain man, who had a sad scolding wife,"--now
you must laugh.

JONATHAN. Tarnation! That's no laughing matter though.

JESSAMY. "And she lay sick a-dying;"--now you must titter.

JONATHAN. What, snigger when the good woman's a-dying! Gor, I--

JESSAMY. Yes, the notes say you must--"And she asked her husband leave
to make a will,"--now you must begin to look grave;--"and her husband
said"--

JONATHAN. Aye, what did her husband say?--Something dang'd cute, I
reckon.

JESSAMY. "And her husband said, you have had your will all your
life-time, and would you have it after you are dead, too?"

JONATHAN. Ho, ho, ho! There the old man was even with her; he was up to
the notch--ha, ha, ha!

JESSAMY. But, Mr. Jonathan, you must not laugh so. Why, you ought to
have tittered _piano_, and you have laughed _fortissimo_. Look here; you
see these marks, A, B, C, and so on; these are the references to the
other part of the book. Let us turn to it, and you will see the
directions how to manage the muscles. This [_Turns over._] was note D