back, even when it's
sober. I'm afraid you'll have to wait till it comes round a bit.'

At this the gander lurched against a half-buried flower pot, and
rolled helplessly over with its eyes closed. 'Oh, the poor thing,'
cried Mabel, 'it's dying!'

'Do you see that?' demanded its owner, furiously; 'it's dying, and
you've had it poisoned, sir; that soaked bread was put there by you or
your orders--and, by the Lord, you shall pay for it!'

'I never ordered or put it there either,' said his enemy doggedly.

'We shall see about that--we shall see,' said Mr. Humpage; 'you can
say that by-and-by.'

'It's no good losing your temper, now--keep cool, can't you?' roared
Uncle Solomon.

'It's likely to make a man cool, isn't it? to come for a quiet stroll
on Sunday afternoon, and find that his gander has been decoyed into a
neighbour's garden and induced to poison itself with whisky?'

'Decoyed? I like that! pretty innercent, that bird of yours! too timid
to come in without a reg'lar invitation, wasn't he?' jeered Mr.
Lightowler; 'quite 'ad to press him to step in and do the garden up a
bit. You and your gander!'

Mabel had already escaped; Mark remained trying to persuade his uncle
to come away before the matter ceased to be farcical.

'I shall take this matter up, sir! I shall take it up!' said Mr.
Humpage, in a white rage; 'and I don't think it will do you credit as
a churchwarden, let me tell you!'

'Don't you go bringing that in here, now!' retorted Uncle Solomon.
'I'll not be spoken to as a churchwarden by you, Mr. 'Umpage, sir, of
all parties!'

'You'll not be spoken to by anybody very soon--at any rate, as a
churchwarden. I mean to bring this affair before the magistrates. I
shall take out a summons against you for unlawfully ill-treating and
abusing my gander, sir!'

'I tell you I never ill-treated him; as for abuse, I don't say. But
that's neither here nor there. He ain't so thin-skinned as all that,
your gander ain't. And if I choose to put whisky, or brandy, or
champagne-cup about my grounds, I'm not obliged to consult your
ridik'lous gander, I _do_ hope. _I_ didn't ask him to sample 'em. I
don't care a brass button for your summonses. You can summon me till
you're black in the face!'

But in spite of these brave words Mr. Lightowler was really not a
little alarmed by the threat.

'We shall see about that,' said the other again, viciously. 'And now,
once more, will you give me back my poor bird?'

M