CENE II.--_O'Dedimus's Office._

_Enter_ O'Dedimus _and_ Ponder.

_O'Ded._ You've done the business, you say!

_Pon._ Ay, and the parties will all be here presently.

_O'Ded._ That's it! you're sure you haven't blabbed now?

_Pon._ Blabbed! ha, ha, ha! what do you take me for?

_O'Ded._ What do I take you for, Mr. Brass? Why I take you for one that
will never be choked by politeness.

_Pon._ Why, Lord, sir, what could a lawyer do without impudence? for
though they say "honesty's the best policy" a lawyer generally finds his
purpose better answered by a _Policy of Assurance_.

_O'Ded._ But hark! somebody's coming already, step where I told you, and
make haste.

_Pon._ On this occasion I lay by the lawyer and take up the Christian.
Benevolence runs fast--but law is lazy and moves slowly. [_Exit._

_Enter_ Falkner _as_ Abel Grouse.

_Abel Grouse._ I have obeyed your summons. What have you to say in
palliation of the injury you have done me?

_O'Ded._ Faith and I shall say a small matter about it. What I have done
I have performed, and what I have performed I shall justify.

_Ab. Gr._ Indeed! Can you justify fraud and villany? To business, sir;
wherefore am I summoned here?

_O'Ded._ That's it! Upon my conscience I'm too modest to tell you.

_Ab. Gr._ Nature and education have made you modest: you were born an
Irishman and bred in attorney--

_O'Ded._ And take my word for it, when Nature forms an Irishman, if she
makes some little blunder in the contrivance of his head, it is because
she bestows so much pains on the construction of his heart.

_Ab. Gr._ That may be partially true; but to hear _you_ profess
sentiments of feeling and justice reminds me of our advertising
money-lenders who, while they practise usury and extortion on the world,
assure them that "the strictest honor and liberality may be relied on;"
and now, sir once more, your business with me.

_O'Ded._ Sure, sir, I sent for you to ask one small bit of a favour.

_Ab. Gr._ From me!

_O'Ded._ Ay, from you; and the favour is, that before you honor me with
the appellation of scoundrel, villain, pettyfogger, and some other such
little genteel epithets, you will be pleased to examine my title to such
distinctions.

_Ab. Gr._ From you, however, I have no hopes. You have denied your
presence at the infamous and sacrilegious mockery of my daughter's
marriage.

_O'Ded._ That's a mistake, sir; I never did deny it.

_Ab. Gr._ Ha! you