n at school, I used to bake
A gruesome mess described as toffee;
But these, which form my whole _cuisine_,
Are scarce the kind of thing you mean.

Of course I'd learn some more by heart,
If this could gain me your affection,
But fear the anguish on your part
Produced by faulty recollection;
On me, my MABEL, please to look
As lover only--not as Cook!

* * * * *

CRINOLINE.

[Illustration]

Rumour whispers, so we glean
From the papers, there have been
Thoughts of bringing on the scene
This mad, monstrous, metal screen,
Hiding woman's graceful mien.
Better Jewish gabardine
Than, thus swelled out, satin's sheen!
Vilest garment ever seen!
Form unknown in things terrene;
Even monsters pliocene
Were not so ill-shaped, I ween.
Women wearing this machine,
Were they fat or were they lean--
Small as WORDSWORTH'S celandine,
Large as sail that's called lateen--
Simply swept the pavement clean:
Hapless man was crushed between
Flat as any tinned sardine.
Thing to rouse a Bishop's spleen,
Make a Canon or a Dean
Speak in language not serene.
We must all be very green,
And our senses not too keen,
If we can't say what we mean,
Write in paper, magazine,
Send petitions to the QUEEN,
Get the House to intervene.
Paris fashion's transmarine--
Let us stop by quarantine
Catastrophic Crinoline!

* * * * *

"More butter is coming from Victoria," says the _P. M. G._, "to the
Mother Country." Our Colonies are not given to supplying us with this
article of food to any great extent. It is generally the Mother
Country that has buttered the Colonies.

* * * * *

ON THREE POETS.

(_By the Fourth Party._)

SWINBURNE, AUSTIN, MORRIS,
Bardic busybodies,
Threnodies they wrote:--
_They_ were the Three Noddies!

* * * * *

Mrs. R. says that, in this cold weather, whenever she wants to know if
there is to be a change, she consults her _thaw_mometer.

* * * * *

The amusing article, "A Man's Thoughts on Marriage," ought not to have
appeared in _The Gentleman_, but in the _United Service Magazine_.
This is evident.

* * * * *

CONVERSATIONAL HINTS FOR YOUNG SHOOTERS.

Before I proceed with the order of subjects which I have proposed