r cood creddit elligibel,
Riddels to' hiz reserches unintelligibel?
Hwen steddy caucion gards dhe litt'rate relm,
Nevver shal forrain fluds dheze iles o'rhwelm:
Orthoggraphy dhe moddher-tung shal guiv,
Evver, az evv'rihware, widh Truith to' liv;
Truith, Rezon, Buty shal o'rspred dhe nacion;
Shal solv dhe RIDDEL, widh won contemplacion.

Dhe pubblic monnitor ov truith,
Swor'n ennemy to' hwat'z uncooth,
Widh blockheds simmilarly spels,
(Orthoggraphy widh plezzure tels)
Dhat dhus dhe foarce ov riddicule
Shood laf dhe lerned bac to' scool.
Hwat dhen shood cauz dhat lafter strainge?
Hwat shood occazion genn'ral chainge?

Orthoggraphy dhe anser guivs,
To' sattisfy hooevver livs.
Dhe onnest wil confes dhe pitty,
Coart, contry, cittadel widh citty;
Dhat aincients, widh dhe guiddy yong,
Shood studdy stil dhe Lattin tung;
Shood leve to' levvity, to' dollor,
Dhe unprofiscient Inglish scollar;
Shood guiv dhe verry strainger dred,
Ov guibberish, dhat nehr waz red;
Dhat nehr waz herd widhout derizzion,
Eskewing occular revizzion.

Dhis won exampel wel wil proov,
Wil libb'ral lafter doutles moov:
Hwen Peddantry shal cese to' swel,
Onnor'd Humillity wil spel.
Dhe buty dhen, ov Brittish truith,
Rezistles shal enammor yooth;
Shal evvidence dh' assevveracion,
Thro'out dh' etymmolodgic nacion;
Dhat won poettic exhibiscion
Cood, widhout litt'ral intuiscion,
Fil evv'ry litterary artikel,
Dho nevver spel won singuel partikel:
Cood faithfoolly dhe hoal prezent,
Widhout[6] wonce shadd'wing hwat wer ment.

* * * * *

NOTES

[1] If not vulgarized from _batteller_.

[2] Ov _mow_ dhe vowel and servile coalesce, (az in _sow_,) into' a
dipthong, in dhe compound noun _barley-mow_.

[3] From dhe old barbarous French _isle_[4], _faulte_, _voulte_, _recepte_,
_debte_, _doubte_; _parfaict_, _vraidict_: now duly _ile_, _faute_,
_voute_, _recette_, _dette_, _doute_, _parfait_, and _vraidit_ from _vere
dictum_.

[4] Inglish propriety, and indeed common-sense, must also protest against
two' late _misnomers: Th'isleworth_ for _Thistelworth_; and dhe forrain
affectacion ov _St. Mary la bonne_ (or even _borne_) for _Marribone_.

[5] Without one particle, representing what is read.

[6] Widhout won partikel, repprezenting hwat iz red.

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Minni