in some pain for
our Forces, not being able to do 'em any personal Service; for you must
know, Mr. _Shrimp_, I am mightily subject to Convulsions, and just before
ev'ry Engagement I was unluckily seiz'd with so violent a Fit, they were
forc'd to carry me back to the next wall'd Town.

_Shr._ Are you for much Sugar in your Tea, Sir?

_Knap._ As much as you please, Sir.

_Shr._ Have you made many Campaigns, Mr. _Knapsack_?

_Knap._ This was the first, Mr. _Shrimp_, and I'm not positive that I
shall ever make another; for next Summer, I believe, some Business of
moment will confine me to this Kingdom--Pray, Mr. _Shrimp_, why don't you
exert your self in the Service; the Gentlemen of the Army wou'd be glad of
so sprightly an Officer as you among 'em.

_Shr._ O dear, Mr. _Knapsack_, I'm of so unfortunate a Stature, they'd
trample me under their Feet; besides, I have no Genius to Fighting; I
cou'd like a Commission in a Beau-Regiment, that always stays at home,
because a Scarlet-Lac'd-Suit, a Sash and Feather command Respect, keep off
Creditors, and make the Ladies fly into our Arms.

_Knap._ Ay, Mr. _Shrimp_, I don't doubt but you have good store
of Mistresses. Why you look a little thin upon the matter, ha!

_Shr._ No, no, Mr. _Knapsack_, I'm as moderate at that Sport, as any Man;
I must own, when a pretty Lady comes betimes in a Morning to my Master,
and he, poor Gentleman, is in a dead Sleep with hard Drinking, I do now
and then take her into the next Room, play the Fool with her a little till
my Master wakes, then give her a Dram of Surfeit-Water, and put her to Bed
to him, now there's Safety in such an Amour, for my Master hasn't his
Mistresses from a profess'd Baud; I have found him out a conscientious old
Gentlewoman, that's one of the sober Party, and acquainted with most
Citizens Daughters, that have as much Inclination to turn Whores as a
Chamber-Maid out of Place, and the old Lady is so passionately fond of my
Master, because he was once so charitable to do her the Favour, she sends
him the choicest of all her Ware--but to pick up a dirty Drab in the
Eighteen-penny-Gallery, with a rusty black Top-knot, a little Flower in
her Hair, a turn'd Smock, and no Stockings, the Jade wou'd poyson you like
Eighteen-penny-Wine.

_Knap._ I find, Mr. _Shrimp_, you Gentlemens Gentlemen have all your Cues.

_Shr._ Ah! Mr. _Knapsack_, there's more goes to the finishing of a true
Valet, than tying a Wig smartly, or answerin