living; and rolled
his languid eyes towards the door when Mrs Gamp appeared, as painfully
as if their weight alone were burdensome to move.

'And how are we by this time?' Mrs Gamp observed. 'We looks charming.'

'We looks a deal charminger than we are, then,' returned Mrs Prig, a
little chafed in her temper. 'We got out of bed back'ards, I think, for
we're as cross as two sticks. I never see sich a man. He wouldn't have
been washed, if he'd had his own way.'

'She put the soap in my mouth,' said the unfortunate patient feebly.

'Couldn't you keep it shut then?' retorted Mrs Prig. 'Who do you think's
to wash one feater, and miss another, and wear one's eyes out with all
manner of fine work of that description, for half-a-crown a day! If you
wants to be tittivated, you must pay accordin'.'

'Oh dear me!' cried the patient, 'oh dear, dear!'

'There!' said Mrs Prig, 'that's the way he's been a-conductin of
himself, Sarah, ever since I got him out of bed, if you'll believe it.'

'Instead of being grateful,' Mrs Gamp observed, 'for all our little
ways. Oh, fie for shame, sir, fie for shame!'

Here Mrs Prig seized the patient by the chin, and began to rasp his
unhappy head with a hair-brush.

'I suppose you don't like that, neither!' she observed, stopping to look
at him.

It was just possible that he didn't for the brush was a specimen of
the hardest kind of instrument producible by modern art; and his very
eyelids were red with the friction. Mrs Prig was gratified to observe
the correctness of her supposition, and said triumphantly 'she know'd as
much.'

When his hair was smoothed down comfortably into his eyes, Mrs Prig and
Mrs Gamp put on his neckerchief; adjusting his shirt collar with great
nicety, so that the starched points should also invade those organs, and
afflict them with an artificial ophthalmia. His waistcoat and coat
were next arranged; and as every button was wrenched into a wrong
button-hole, and the order of his boots was reversed, he presented on
the whole rather a melancholy appearance.

'I don't think it's right,' said the poor weak invalid. 'I feel as if I
was in somebody else's clothes. I'm all on one side; and you've made one
of my legs shorter than the other. There's a bottle in my pocket too.
What do you make me sit upon a bottle for?'

'Deuce take the man!' cried Mrs Gamp, drawing it forth. 'If he ain't
been and got my night-bottle here. I made a little cupboard of his coat
when i