have stumbled
upon one. He declareth against fish, the turbot being small, yet
suffereth himself to be importuned into a slice against his first
resolution. He sticketh by the port, yet will be prevailed up to empty
the remainder glass of claret, if a stranger press it upon him. He is
a puzzle to the servants, who are fearful of being too obsequious, or
not civil enough to him. The guests think "they have seen him before."
Every one speculateth upon his condition; and the most part take him
to be a tide-waiter. He calleth you by your Christian name, to imply
that his other is the same with your own. He is too familiar by half,
yet you wish he had less diffidence. With half the familiarity, he
might pass for a casual dependent; with more boldness, he would be in
no danger of being taken for what he is. He is too humble for a
friend, yet taketh on him more state than befits a client. He is a
worse guest than a country tenant, inasmuch as he bringeth up no rent;
yet 'tis odds, from his garb and demeanor, that your guests take him
for one. He is asked to make one at the whist-table; refuseth on the
score of poverty, and resents being left out. When the company break
up, he proferreth to go for a coach, and lets the servant go. He
recollects your grandfather; and will thrust in some mean and quite
unimportant anecdote of the family. He knew it when it was not quite
so flourishing as "he is blest in seeing it now." He reviveth past
situations, to institute what he calleth favorable comparisons. With
a reflecting sort of congratulation he will inquire the price of your
furniture; and insult you with a special commendation of your
window-curtains. He is of opinion that the urn is the more elegant
shape; but, after all, there was something more comfortable about the
old tea-kettle, which you must remember. He dare say you must find a
great convenience in having a carriage of your own, and appealeth to
your lady if it is not so. Inquireth if you have had your arms done on
vellum yet; and did not know till lately that such and such had been
the crest of the family. His memory is unseasonable, his compliments
perverse, his talk a trouble, his stay pertinacious; and when he goeth
away, you dismiss his chair into a corner as precipitately as
possible, and feel fairly rid of two nuisances.

There is a worse evil under the sun, and that is a female poor
relation. You may do something with the other; you may pass him off
tolerably wel