, and I've had testimonials provin'
that it has cured nearly every disease known to man, from ringworm to
curvature of the spine. I'd worked up a fifteen-minute spiel too that
was a gem of street corner eloquence, and no matter where I stuck up my
flare I could do an evenin's business runnin' from ten to forty dollars.

"So when I hit them corn fritters of Mrs. Whipple's that night in Gopher
I had no more notion of quittin' the road than a prairie chicken has of
breakin' into a hencoop. But say, Brother, no human being ever made
tastier corn fritters than them. 'Young lady,' says I to the half-grown
girl that waited on table, 'who built these?'--'Mrs. Whipple,' says
she. 'Present my best compliments to her,' says I, 'and tell me where I
can find Mr. Whipple. I want to congratulate him.'--'Lawzee! Whipple?'
says she. 'Why, he died back East goin' on six years ago.'--'Then,' says
I, 'I'll take the message to Mrs. Whipple myself. She's, around, I
suppose?'--'No,' says the girl. 'Soon's she got supper ready she had to
go down to the square 'lectioneerin'. She's runnin' for Mayor.'

"Say, Professor McCabe, it was a fact! Besides conductin' her boardin'
house and bein' president of the Civic League, she was candidate for
Mayor on an independent ticket. Got it too, Sir! They have the vote out
in our State, you know.

"Well, hearin' that sort of cooled me down a bit. I thought she'd be a
hatchet-faced female with a voice like a guinea hen. So I didn't, see
her until I was all packed up to leave next day and hunted her up to pay
my bill. And say, Brother, doggoned if she don't turn out to be about
the plumpest, cheeriest, winningest little body that ever I see
unclaimed! Nothin' standoffish about her, either. 'There!' says she.
'Look at you, going off with all that dandruff on your coat collar!
Mamie, bring me that whisk broom.'--'Ma'am,' says I, when she'd finished
the job and added a little pat to my necktie, 'my name is Hubbs. It's a
homely name, and I'm a homely man; but if there's any chance of ever
persuadin' you to be Mrs. Nelson Hubbs, I'll stick around this town
until the crack of doom.'--'Now don't be foolish,' says she. 'Run along.
I'm busy.' Wa'n't so encouragin', was it? 'Let's see,' says I, 'what
place is this anyhow?'--'The idea!' says she. 'It's Gopher; and let me
tell you, Mr. Hubbs, some day it's going to be one of the finest cities
west of Chicago!'--'While you're in it,' says I, 'it's goin' to be good
enoug