soon shall I see
again their mild glances, or hear your consoling voice! and all
this--because I have not deserved--because I have destroyed the
peace of my home! Yes, Leonore! in vain will you endeavour to
excuse me, and reconcile me with myself! I know that I am
criminal--that I have desired, that I have wished, at least, for a
moment--oh, I would now press the hem of Louise's garment to my
lips and exclaim 'Forgive, forgive! I have passed judgment on
myself--I have banished myself; I fly--fly in order no more to
disturb your happiness or his!'

"I was a cloud in their heaven; what should the cloud do there?
May the wind disperse it! Oh, Leonore, it is an indescribably
bitter feeling for a heart which burns with gratitude to be able
to do nothing more for the object of its love than to keep itself
at a distance, to make itself into nothing! But rather
that--rather a million-times hide myself in the bosom of the
earth, than give sorrow either to him or to her! Truly, if thereby
I could win anything for them; if I could moulder to dust like a
grain of corn, and then shoot forth for them into plentiful
blessing--that would be sweet and precious, Leonore! People extol
all those who are able to die for love, for honour, for religion,
for high and noble ends, and wherefore? Because it is, indeed, a
mercy from God to be able so to die--it is life in death!

"I know a life which is death--which, endured through long
clinging years, would be a burden to itself, and a joy to no one.
Oh, how bitter! Wherefore must the craving after happiness, after
enjoyment, burn like an eternal thirst in the human soul, if the
assuaging fountain, Tantalus like----?

"Leonore, my eyes burn, my head aches, and my heart is wildly
tempested! I am not good--I am not submissive--my soul is a
chaos--a little earth on forehead and breast, that might be good
for me.

On board the Steam-boat.

"Thanks, Leonore, thanks for your pillow; it has really been an
ear-comfort for me.[16] Yesterday I thought that I was in the
direct way to become ill. I shivered; I burned; my head ached
fearfully: I felt as if torn to pieces. But when I laid my head
upon your little pillow, when my ear rested upon t