hose connexions and prospects
were similar to our own, looked round him for a wife in our house, we
considered it great audacity, and treated it accordingly. We were
secretly looking out for genteeler and richer individuals, who again, on
their part, were looking out for genteeler and richer individuals than
we.--N. B. This _looking-out_ in the great world is a very useful thing,
both for gentlemen and ladies, although anybody who would be _naive_
enough to acknowledge as much, would not be greatly in favour either
with those who looked-out or those who did not.

In the mean time, a spirit was developed within me, which full of living
energy woke to the sense of its nonentity--to a sense of the enslaving
contradictions in which it moved, and to the most vehement desire to
free itself from them. As yet, however, I did not understand what I was
to do with my restless spirit. By contemplation, however, of noble works
of art, it appeared to me frequently that the enigma of my inner self
became clear to me. When I observed the antique vestal, so calm, so
assured, and yet so gentle--when I saw how she stood, self-possessed,
firm, and serene--I had a foretaste of the life which I needed, and
sought after, both outwardly and inwardly, and I wept tears of
melancholy longing.

Tortured by the distorted circumstances (many of which I have not
mentioned) under which I moved in my own family connexion, I began, as
years advanced, to come in contact with the world in a manner which, for
a temper like mine, was particularly dangerous.

We have heard of the daughters of the Husgafvel family, who grew old
yawning over the spinning-wheel and the weaving-stool; but, better so to
grow old, yes, better a thousand times to grow grey over the
spinning-wheel and the ashes of the cooking-stove, than with artificial
flowers--oh, how artificial!--in the hair, on the benches of the
ball-room, or the seat of the supper-room, smiling over the world, which
smiles over us no longer. This was the case with me.

There are mild, unpretending beings, who bow themselves quietly under
the yoke which they cannot break; move, year after year, through the
social circle, without any other object than to fill a place there--to
ornament or to disfigure a wall. Peace to such patient souls! There,
too, are joyous, fresh, ever youthful natures, who, even to old age, and
under all circumstances, bring with them cheerfulness and new life into
every circle in which