im seawards once more.

One especially I had noticed, a very superbly dressed female visitor who
had paused to witness the whole scene and was now resuming her promenade. I
dreaded the comment which I felt I should overhear as she passed me--"What
a horrible child!" it would be at the very least. But women are strangely
unaccountable, even in so highly civilised an atmosphere as this. I
distinctly heard her say, "What a darling!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Mother._ "IT IS VERY NAUGHTY TO TELL UNTRUTHS, KITTY. THOSE
WHO DO SO NEVER GET TO HEAVEN."

_Kitty._ "DIDN'T YOU EVER TELL AN UNTRUTH, MUMMY?"

_Mother._ "NO, DEAR--NEVER."

_Kitty._ "WELL, YOU'LL BE FEARFULLY LONELY, WON'T YOU, WITH ONLY GEORGE
WASHINGTON?"]

* * * * *

THE HORRORS OF PEACE.

"Wanted.--Boy for Butchering, about 15 years old."--_Local Paper._

Extract from a solicitor's letter:--

"The sale of the above premises is now nearing completion and we expect
to have the conveyance ready for execution in the course of a short
period the length of which depends to some extent upon how soon we can
obtain the execution of the Bishop."

* * * * *

NEO-TOPICS.

There was a young neo-DELANE
Whose writing was frequently sane;
But the name of LLOYD GEORGE
So uplifted his gorge
That it threatened to swallow his brain.

There was an adored neo-Queen
Who ruled the whole world on the screen;
She simply knocked spots
Off poor MARY OF SCOTS,
But she doubled the gloom of our Dean.

There was an advanced neo-Georgian,
Or perhaps we should say Georgy-Porgian,
When asked to declare
What his principles were,
He invariably answered, "Pro-Borgian."

There was a great neo-Art critic
Whose style was extremely mephitic;
He treated VAN GOGH
And CEZANNE as dead dog,
And JOHN as a growth parasitic.

* * * * *

OUR BLOATED PLURALISTS.

"Wanted, Organist. Small country church. Salary L20. Good lodgings.
(Could be held with post of Milker on Manor Farm; permanent work;
Sundays free; ample salary.)"--_Church Times._

* * * * *

"The Grimsby trawler Silurian has towed Sir George Grahame, Minister
Plenipotentiary in Paris, to be his Majesty's Ambassador Extraordinary
and Plenipotentiary