f Arnold, Arthur, and myself; we
are all proud, we are all fastidious, yet we had come to this. We had
drifted on the rocks. Pride had n't saved us, nor training, nor
intelligence. I had lived in and for these things, and they had not
prevented my doing the commonest things like the commonest creatures.
Uncle Ben, I seemed horrible to myself--I can't tell you.

"More doors opened in my mind, and I began to think of you, and
mother, and Aunt Mary, and of all the stories you used to tell me of
the good Raynies and the bad, the weak Withacres and the strong ones,
and what good fighters there were among them. And it seemed to me that
I could see and feel--like the flight of wings in the dark over my head--
the passing of the struggling generations of my fathers, each one
{120} achieving a little more; going from decency to good repute, and
from repute to renown, keeping faith with one another and with God,
from father to son.

"And all at once I saw that the dignity of my race did not consist in
its honors, nor even in its character, but--forever and always--in
its fight for character! It was the struggle that had made us. And I
had never struggled--so--I was not made. I was still unformed,
shapeless,--and a cheaper thing with all my pretensions than the girl
asleep beside me.

"Then there came on me a great desire to be one with my own people.
One life is nothing--somehow I saw it very clearly. Families build
righteousness as coral insects build a reef. I felt the yearning to be
built into a structure of honesty and honor. Even as I wished {121}
this, I saw, in that fierce light beating down upon my brain, that
there was something deep within me that forbade me to do the thing I
had been planning. It lay at the core of being, dark and stern; it
said _No_ to my desires. And I knew it for the strength of every _No_
my fathers ever uttered. It was my inheritance. And as I looked, it
seized my will. It shook me free from my longing for Arthur, free from
my impatience with Arnold, free from my wish to have my way!

"So--I have come back. It was strong enough to bring me back; it is
strong enough to hold me here. I don't care what happens to me after
this. _I don't care._ I may not be happy, but I don't seem to want to
be happy: I want to do the seemly, fitting things, the decent things.
I don't care if they are stupid; I don't care if I am bored! {122} I
wish just what I say. I want to be one with my race. It is they who
h