ly. "You mean if I were you. Go on. I
know. Explain, old thing."

"Well, I mean of course if you are a governess in a school you _can't_
be jolly and charming. You can't be idiotic or anything.... I did think
about it. Don't tell anybody. But I thought for a little while I might
go into a family--one of the girls' families--the German girls, and
begin having a German manner. Two of the girls asked me. One of them was
ill and went away--that Pomeranian one I told you about. Well, then, I
didn't tell you about that little one and her sister--they asked me to
go to them for the holidays. The youngest said--it was _so_ absurd--'you
shall marry my bruzzer--he is mairchant--very welty'--absurd."

_"Not_ absurd--you probably _would_ have, away from that school."

"D'you think so?"

"Yes, you would have been a regular German, fat and jolly and laughing."

"I know. My dear, I thought about it. You may imagine. I wondered if I
ought."

"Why didn't you try?"

Why not? Why was she not going to try? Eve would, she was sure in her
place....

Why not grimace and be very "bright" and "animated" until the end of the
term and then go and stay with the Bergmanns for two months and be
as charming as she could?... Her heart sank.... She imagined a house,
everyone kind and blond and smiling. Emma's big tall brother smiling and
joking and liking her. She would laugh and pretend and flirt like the
Pooles and make up to him--and it would be lovely for a little while.
Then she would offend someone. She would offend everyone but Emma--and
get tired and cross and lose her temper. Stare at them all as they
said the things everybody said, the things she hated; and she would sit
glowering, and suddenly refuse to allow the women to be familiar with
her.... She tried to see the brother more clearly. She looked at the
screen. The Bergmanns' house would be full of German furniture.... At
the end of a week every bit of it would reproach her.

She tried to imagine him without the house and the family, not talking
or joking or pretending... alone and sad... despising his family...
needing her. He loved forests and music. He had a great strong solid
voice and was strong and sure about everything and she need never worry
any more.

"Seit ich ihn gesehen Glaub' ich blind zu sein."

There would be a garden and German springs and summers and sunsets and
strong kind arms and a shoulder. She would grow so happy. No one
would recognise her as the