in the expression as malignant in the
sentiment; and in the paroxysm of shame and despair, the unfortunate
girl had that day destroyed herself. This melancholy event wrung forth
from the parents the real story: the event and the story reached my
ears in the very hour in which my mind was wavering to and fro. Can you
wonder that they fixed it at once, and to a dread end? What was this
wretch? aged with vice--forestalling time--tottering on to a dishonoured
grave--soiling all that he touched on his way--with grey hairs and
filthy lewdness, the rottenness of the heart, not its passion, a
nuisance and a curse to the world. What was the deed--that I should rid
the earth of a thing at once base and venomous? Was it crime? Was it
justice? Within myself I felt the will--the spirit that might bless
mankind. I lacked the means to accomplish the will and wing the spirit.
One deed supplied me with the means. Had the victim of that deed been
a man moderately good--pursuing with even steps the narrow line between
vice and virtue--blessing none but offending none,--it might have been
yet a question whether mankind would not gain more by the deed than
lose. But here was one whose steps stumbled on no good act--whose
heart beat to no generous emotion;--there was a blot--a foulness on
creation,--nothing but death could wash it out and leave the world fair.
The soldier receives his pay, and murthers, and sleeps sound, and men
applaud. But you say he smites not for pay, but glory. Granted--though a
sophism. But was there no glory to be gained in fields more magnificent
than those of war--no glory to be gained in the knowledge which saves
and not destroys? Was I not about to strike for that glory, for the
means of earning it? Nay, suppose the soldier struck for patriotism,
a better feeling than glory, would not my motive be yet larger than
patriotism? Did it not body forth a broader circle? Could the world stop
the bound of its utilities? Was there a corner of the earth--was there a
period in time, which an ardent soul, freed from, not chained as now, by
the cares of the body, and given wholly up to wisdom, might not pierce,
vivify, illumine? Such were the questions which I asked:--time only
answered them.

"Houseman came, punctual to our dark appointment. I gave him my hand in
silence. We understood each other. We said no more of the deed itself,
but of the manner in which it should be done. The melancholy incident
I have described made Cl