s always half-fuddled;
He wastes all his time, and his wits are all muddled;
"We've notice to quit for next Michaelmas year--
All owing to Tom and his _one glass of Beer_!"

MORAL.

My friends, I believe we shall none of us quarrel
If I try from this story to draw out a moral;
Tom Smith, I am told, has now taken the pledge;
Let us hope he will keep the right side of the hedge.

But because men like Tom find it hard to _refrain_,
It's hard that we temperate folk should _abstain_;
Tea and coffee no doubt are most excellent cheer
But a hard-working man likes his _one glass of Beer_.

What with 'chining [2] and hoeing and ploughing and drill,
A glass of good beer will not make a man ill;
But one glass, like poison, you never must touch--
It's the glass which is commonly called _one too much_!

[1] Muddle.

[2] Machining, _i.e._ threshing by machinery.

BEDFORDSHIRE BALLAD.--III.

FRED AND BILL.

Two twins were once born in a Bedfordshire home;
Such events in the best managed households may come;
Tho', as Tomkins remarked in a voice rather gruff,
"One child at a time for poor folks is enough."

But it couldn't be helped, so his wife did her best;
The children were always respectably drest;
Went early to school; were put early to bed;
And had plenty of taters and bacon and bread.

Now we all should suppose that the two, being twins,
Resembled each other as much as two pins:
But no--they as little resembled each other
As the man in the moon is "a man and a brother."

Fred's eyes were dark brown, and his hair was jet black;
He was supple in body, and straight in the back,
Learnt his lessons without any trouble at all;
And was lively, intelligent, comely, and tall.

But Willy was thick-set; and freckled and fair;
Had eyes of light blue, and short curly red hair;
And, as I should like you the whole truth to know,
The schoolmaster thought him "decidedly slow."

But the Parson, who often came into the school,
Had discovered that Willy was far from a fool,
And that tho' he was not very quick in his pace,
In the end "slow and steady" would win in the race.

Years passed--Fred grew idle and peevish and queer;
Took to skittles, bad language, tobacco, and beer:
Grew tired of his work, when it scarce was begun;
Was Jack of all trades and the master of none.

He began as a labourer, then was a clerk;
Dro