uble, I assure you; it is no amusement to me. I would
rather, by a great deal, make some concession than fight, because I will
fight with swords, and the result is then so certain that there is no
danger in the matter to me."

"Hark you, Sir Francis Varney. You are either a very clever actor, or a
man, as you say, of such skill with your sword, that you can make sure
of the result of a duel. You know, therefore, that it is not fair play
on your part to fight a duel with that weapon."

"Oh, I beg your pardon there. I never challenge anybody, and when
foolish people will call me out, contrary to my inclination, I think I
am bound to take what care of myself I can."

"D--n me, there's some reason in that, too," said the admiral; "but why
do you insult people?"

"People insult me first."

"Oh, nonsense!"

"How should you like to be called a vampyre, and stared at as if you
were some hideous natural phenomenon?"

"Well, but--"

"I say, Admiral Bell, how should you like it? I am a harmless country
gentleman, and because, in the heated imaginations of some member of a
crack-brained family, some housebreaker has been converted into a
vampyre, I am to be pitched upon as the man, and insulted and persecuted
accordingly."

"But you forget the proofs."

"What proofs?"

"The portrait, for one."

"What! Because there is an accidental likeness between me and an old
picture, am I to be set down as a vampyre? Why, when I was in Austria
last, I saw an old portrait of a celebrated court fool, and you so
strongly resemble it, that I was quite struck when I first saw you with
the likeness; but I was not so unpolite as to tell you that I considered
you were the court fool turned vampyre."

"D--n your assurance!"

"And d--n yours, if you come to that."

The admiral was fairly beaten. Sir Francis Varney was by far too
long-headed and witty for him. After now in vain endeavouring to find
something to say, the old man buttoned up his coat in a great passion,
and looking fiercely at Varney, he said,--"I don't pretend to a gift of
the gab. D--n me, it ain't one of my peculiarities; but though you may
talk me down, you sha'n't keep me down."

"Very good, sir."

"It is not very good. You shall hear from me."

"I am willing."

"I don't care whether you are willing or not. You shall find that when
once I begin to tackle an enemy, I don't so easily leave him. One or
both of us, sir, is sure to sink."

"Agreed."

"So say I