. What could I do in such misery? It was then, father,
that I made my first step in the path of disgrace; until this time I was
honourable,--I had only spent what belonged to me, but then I began to
incur debts which I had no chance of paying. I sold all I had to two of
my domestics in order to pay my debt to them, and to be enabled to
continue for six months longer, in spite of my creditors, to enjoy the
luxury which intoxicated me.
"To supply my play debts and extravagant outlay I first borrowed of the
Jews, then, to pay the Jews, of my friends, then, to pay my friends, of
my mistresses. These resources exhausted, there was another period of my
life; from an honest man I became a gambler, but, as yet, I was not
criminal--I still hesitated--I desired to take a violent resolution. I
had proved in several duels that I did not fear death. I determined to
kill myself!"
"Ah! Bah! Really?" said the comte, with fierce irony.
"You do not believe me, father?"
"It was too soon or too late!" replied the old man, still unmoved, and
in the same attitude.
Florestan, believing that he had moved his father by speaking to him of
his project for committing suicide, thought it necessary to increase the
effect by a _coup de theatre_. He opened a drawer, took from it a small
bottle of greenish glass, and said to the comte, depositing it on the
table:
"An Italian quack sold me this poison."
"And was this poison for yourself?" said the old man, still having his
chin in the palm of his hand.
Florestan understood the force of the remark, his features expressed
real indignation; for this time he spoke the truth. One day he took it
into his head to kill himself,--an ephemeral fancy! Persons of his stamp
are usually too cowardly to make up their minds calmly, and without
witnesses, to the death which they face as a point of honour in a duel.
He therefore exclaimed, with an accent of truth:
"I have fallen very low, but not so low as that. It was for myself that
I reserved this poison."
"And then were afraid of it?" asked the comte, without changing his
posture.
"I confess I recoiled before this trying extremity,--nothing was yet
desperate. The persons to whom I owed money were rich and could wait. At
my age, and with my connections, I hoped for a moment, if not to repair
my fortunes, at least to acquire for myself an honourable position, an
independence which would have supplied my present situation. Many of my
friends, p
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