imagine that I was wanting either in courage or
determination; on the contrary, I fearlessly exposed myself in every
engagement to the greatest dangers, for I felt that I had courage. It
was my ambition at that time to pass for a good soldier, and I certainly
bore the reputation of being one; and what any of our men ventured, I
ventured also, as every one who was present can testify; yet I must
confess that I felt terribly agitated in spirit when I each day saw some
of my companions being put to death in the dreadful manner above
mentioned, and I was seized with terror at the thought that I might have
to share a similar fate! Indeed the Mexicans had on two different
occasions laid hold of me, and it was only through the great mercy of
God that I escaped from their grasp.

I could no longer divest myself of the thoughts of ending my life in
this shocking manner, and each time, before we made an attack upon the
enemy, a cold shudder ran through my body, and I felt oppressed by
excessive melancholy. It was then I fell upon my knees, and commended
myself to the protection of God and the blessed Virgin; and from my
prayers I rushed straightway into the battle, and all fear instantly
vanished. This feeling appeared the more unaccountable to me, since I
had encountered so many perils at sea, fought so many sanguinary battles
in the open field, been present on so many dangerous marches through
forests and mountains, stormed and defended so many towns; for there
were very few great battles fought by our troops in New Spain in which I
was not present. In these perils of various natures I never felt the
fear I did subsequent to that time when the Mexicans captured sixty-two
of our men, and we were compelled to see them thus slaughtered one by
one, without being able to render them assistance. I leave those
cavaliers to judge who are acquainted with war, and know from experience
what dangers a man is exposed to in battle, whether it was want of
courage which raised this feeling in me. Certain it is that I each day
pictured to myself the whole extent of the danger into which I was
obliged to plunge myself; nevertheless, I fought with my accustomed
bravery, and all sensation of fear fled from me as soon as I espied the
enemy.

Lastly, I must acquaint the reader that the Mexicans never killed our
men in battle if they could possibly avoid it, but merely wounded them,
so far as to render them incapable of defending themselves, in orde