p to me, saying: "Do not leave us, I beg of you, Mme. Lebrun.
Remain here and take care of your health. I cannot bear to have you
go." I assured her it was my desire and my purpose to return to St.
Petersburg for the pleasure of seeing her again. God knows I spoke the
truth, but I have, none the less, often been assailed with the fear
that my refusal to stay in Russia may have appeared as ingratitude to
Their Majesties, and that they may not have quite forgiven me.

On crossing the Russian border I burst into tears. I wanted to retrace
my journey, and I vowed I would come back to those who had for so long
heaped tokens of friendship and devotion upon me, and whose memory
is ever in my heart. But one must believe in fate, for I never again
saw the country which I still look upon as a second motherland.

[Illustration: A MOTHER AND HER DAUGHTER.]

CHAPTER XIV

HOMEWARD BOUND

FIRST STATION, NARVA -- THE CATARACT -- RIGA -- HARDSHIPS OF
TRAVEL A HUNDRED YEARS AGO -- OBDURATE CUSTOM-HOUSE OFFICIALS --
A SUMMONS TO POTSDAM -- THE LOVELIEST AND SWEETEST OF QUEENS --
HER UGLY CHILDREN -- AN AMBITIOUS COOK -- THE JOURNEY CONTINUED
-- "REMEMBER YOUR JEWEL-CASE" -- MODELLING IN DIRT FOR A PASTIME
-- LIKEWISE SEWING -- HOME AGAIN.

I left St. Petersburg sad, sick and alone in my carriage, having been
unable to keep my Russian maid. I had nobody but a very old man who
wanted to go to Prussia, and whom I had given a servant's place
through pity, which I had cause to regret, because he got so drunk at
every stage that he had to be carried back to the box. M. de Riviere,
escorting me in his calash, was of no great assistance to me,
especially after crossing the Russian frontier and entering the sandy
district, for his postilions, from whom he did not know how to exact
obedience, were continually taking side roads, while I followed the
main road.

My first stop I made at Narva, a well-fortified but ugly, ill-paved
little town. The road leading there is entrancing; it is edged with
pretty houses and English gardens; in the distance is the sea, covered
with ships, which makes this route extremely picturesque. The women of
Narva wear the dress of ancient times. They are good-looking, for the
people of Livonia in general are splendid. Nearly all the heads of the
old men reminded me of Raphael's heads of Christ, and the young men,
their long hair falling on their shoulders, might have been model