ther on Sunday nor week-day, present or
absent, nor--'"

"I condimn that," observed the other master--"I condimn it, as bein' too
latitudinarian in principle, an' containing a para-dogma; besides it's
bad grammar."

"You're rather airly in the market wid your bad grammar," replied the
other: "I'll grant you the paradogma, but I'll stand up for the grammar
of it, while I'm able to stand up for anything."

"Faith, an' if you rise to stand up for that," replied his friend, "and
doesn't choose to sit down till you prove it to be good grammar, you'll
be a standin' joke all your life."

"I bleeve it's purty conspicuous in the parish, that I have often, in
our disputations about grammar, left you widout a leg to stand upon at
all," replied the other.

This sally was well received, but his opponent was determined to push
home the argument at once.

"I would be glad to know," he inquired, "by what beautiful invintion
a man could contrive to strike another in his absence? Have you good
grammar for that?"

"And did you never hear of detraction?" replied his opponent; "that is,
a man who's in the habit of spaking falsehoods of his friends whin their
backs are turned--that is to say, whin they are absent. Now, sure, if a
man's absent whin his back's turned, mayn't any man whose back's turned
be said to be absent--ergo, to strike a man behind his back is to strike
him whin he's absent. Does that confound you? where's your logic and
grammar to meet proper ratiocination like what I'm displaying?"

"Faith," replied the other, "you may have had logic and grammar, but
I'll take my oath it was in your younger years, for both have been
absent ever since I knew you: they turned their backs upon you, man
alive; for they didn't like, you see, to be keepin' bad company--ha, ha,
ha!"

"Why, you poor crathur," said his antagonist, "if I'd choose to let
myself out, I could make a hare of you in no time entirely."

"And an ass of yourself," retorted the other: "but you may save yourself
the throuble in regard of the last, for your frinds know you to be an
ass ever since they remimber you. You have them here, man alive, the
auricles," and he pointed to his ears.

"Hut! get out wid you, you poor Jamaica-headed castigator, you; sure you
never had more nor a thimbleful o' sinse on any subject."

"Faith, an' the thimble that measured yours was a tailor's, one widout a
bottom in it, an' good measure you got, you miserable flagellator! what