[Illustration: C]Conducive as Uncle Peter's suggestion might have been to
the restoration of peace in the family of our hero, it was decided to be
impracticable by several medical gentlemen, who were consulted upon the
matter. After sundry scenes of maternal and grandmaternal distress,
Agamemnon succeeded in obtaining the victory, and the heir was vaccinated
accordingly with the most favourable result. The pustule rose, budded,
blossomed, and disappeared, exactly as it ought to have done, and a few
days saw the health of the infant Applebite insured in the office of Dr.
Jenner.

Scarcely had the anxious parents been relieved by this auspicious
termination, when that painful disorder which renders pork unwholesome and
children fractious, made its appearance. Had we the plague-pen of the
romancist of Rookwood, we would revel in the detail of this domesticated
pestilence--we would picture the little sufferer in the hour of its
agony--and be as minute as Mr. Hume in our calculations of its feverish
pulsations; but our quill was moulted by the dove, not plucked from the
wing of the carrion raven.

And now, gentle reader, we come to a point of this history which we are
assured has been anxiously looked forward to by you--a point at which the
reader, already breathless with expectation, has fondly anticipated being
suffocated with excitement. We may, without vanity, lay claim to
originality, for we have introduced a new hero into the world of
fiction--a baby three months old--we have traced his happy parents from
the ball-room to St. George's church; from St. George's church to the
ball-room; thence to the doctor's; and from thence to

THE END.

Reproach us not, mamas?--Discard us not, ye blushing divinities who have,
with your sex's softness, dandled the heir of Applebite in your
imaginations!--Wait!--Wait till we have explained! We have a motive; but
as we are novices in this style of literature, we will avail ourselves, at
our leave-taking, of the valedictory address of one who is more "up to the
swindle."

_To the Readers of the Heir of Applebite._

DEAR FRIENDS,--Having finished the infanto-biography upon which we have
been engaged, it is our design to cut off our heir, and bring our tale to
a close. You may want to know why--or if you don't, we will tell you.

We should not regard the anxiety, the close confinement, or the constant
attention inseparable from a nursery, did we feel that the result was
agreeab