Vote the other Way.

EQUALITY OF OPPORTUNITY

Two youths there were in days of yore
Called Jones and Robinson.
Jones had abilities galore,
While Robinson had none.

They met with corresponding fates:
And Jones, that genius proud,
Obtained in time a First in Greats:
While Robinson was ploughed.

Jones hoped that mental gifts like his
Might gain a Fellowship:
But ah! full many a slip there is
Between the cup and lip:

"You have a brain," the College said,
"Which unassisted soars:
'Tis not for Colleges to aid
Abilities like yours!

Go--wealth awaits your gathering hand,
And empires crave your rule!
But Fellowships like ours are planned
To help the helpless fool."

He tried the Press: he tried the Bar:
But still the Bar and Press
Said, "Not for him our openings are
Whose gifts ensure success:

Such posts are meant ('tis justice plain)
For those unhappy chaps
(Like Robinson) whom lack of brain
Unfairly handicaps!"

And now--yet check the rising tear:
It seems that long ago
Those Founders whom we all revere
Meant it to happen so--

Some lack of necessary food,
All in a garret lone,
Has ended Jones. I thought it would.
But Robinson's a DON.

UNIVERSITY COMMISSIONS

BY LAMBDA MINUS

A rumour and rumbling volcanic
Is heard in the Radical Press,
And Presidents tremble in panic
And Wardens their terrors confess:
How each with anxiety shivers,
The Dean with his fines and his gates,
The ruffian who ragged me in Divvers,
The pedant who ploughed me in Greats!

The doctrines degrading they taught, and
The Progress they nipped in the bud:
The things that they did when they oughtn't
And failed to perform when they should:
The Questions prevented from burning,
The Movements forbidden to move,
Recoil on their centres of learning,
Their Parks and the System thereof!

Afar will Democracy chase it,
That gang of impenitent Dons
Who drowned the occasional Placet
By bawling their truculent Nons:
No idle and opulent College
Will feed that obstructionist clique,
Those scoffers at Practical Knowledge
Who vote for compulsory Greek.

And now when the Party of Labour,
Asserting its v