generous concern she had expressed
for me, when I was so suddenly and dangerously taken ill--[the
ipecacuanha experiment, Jack!]

She interrupted me--Well have you rewarded me for the concern you speak
of!--However, I will frankly own, now that I am determined to think no
more of you, that you might, (unsatisfied as I nevertheless was with
you,) have made an interest--

She paused. I besought her to proceed.

Do you suppose, Sir, and turned away her sweet face as we walked,--Do you
suppose that I had not thought of laying down a plan to govern myself by,
when I found myself so unhappily over-reached and cheated, as I may say,
out of myself--When I found, that I could not be, and do, what I wished
to be, and to do, do you imagine that I had not cast about, what was the
next proper course to take?--And do you believe that this next course has
not caused me some pain to be obliged to--

There again she stopt.

But let us break off discourse, resumed she. The subject grows too--She
sighed--Let us break off discourse--I will go in--I will prepare for
church--[The devil! thought I.] Well, as I can appear in those
every-day-worn clothes--looking upon herself--I will go to church.

She then turned from me to go into the house.

Bless me, my beloved creature, bless me with the continuance of this
affecting conversation.--Remorse has seized my heart!--I have been
excessively wrong--give me farther cause to curse my heedless folly, by
the continuance of this calm but soul-penetrating conversation.

No, no, Mr. Lovelace: I have said too much. Impatience begins to break
in upon me. If you can excuse me to the ladies, it will be better for
my mind's sake, and for your credit's sake, that I do not see them. Call
me to them over-nice, petulant, prudish--what you please call me to them.
Nobody but Miss Howe, to whom, next to the Almighty, and my own mother, I
wish to stand acquitted of wilful error, shall know the whole of what has
passed. Be happy, as you may!--Deserve to be happy, and happy you will
be, in your own reflection at least, were you to be ever so unhappy in
other respects. For myself, if I ever shall be enabled, on due
reflection, to look back upon my own conduct, without the great reproach
of having wilfully, and against the light of my own judgment, erred, I
shall be more happy than if I had all that the world accounts desirable.

The noble creature proceeded; for I could not speak.

This self-acquitt