part had declined some time, and the ruins only appeared of what had
been; and that which was worse than all this, that I was the most
dejected, disconsolate creature alive. I that had encouraged my
husband, and endeavoured to support his spirits under his trouble,
could not support my own; I wanted that spirit in trouble which I told
him was so necessary to him for bearing the burthen.

But my case was indeed deplorable, for I was left perfectly friendless
and helpless, and the loss my husband had sustained had reduced his
circumstances so low, that though indeed I was not in debt, yet I could
easily foresee that what was left would not support me long; that while
it wasted daily for subsistence, I had not way to increase it one
shilling, so that it would be soon all spent, and then I saw nothing
before me but the utmost distress; and this represented itself so
lively to my thoughts, that it seemed as if it was come, before it was
really very near; also my very apprehensions doubled the misery, for I
fancied every sixpence that I paid for a loaf of bread was the last
that I had in the world, and that to-morrow I was to fast, and be
starved to death.

In this distress I had no assistant, no friend to comfort or advise me;
I sat and cried and tormented myself night and day, wringing my hands,
and sometimes raving like a distracted woman; and indeed I have often
wondered it had not affected my reason, for I had the vapours to such a
degree, that my understanding was sometimes quite lost in fancies and
imaginations.

I lived two years in this dismal condition, wasting that little I had,
weeping continually over my dismal circumstances, and, as it were, only
bleeding to death, without the least hope or prospect of help from God
or man; and now I had cried too long, and so often, that tears were, as
I might say, exhausted, and I began to be desperate, for I grew poor
apace.

For a little relief I had put off my house and took lodgings; and as I
was reducing my living, so I sold off most of my goods, which put a
little money in my pocket, and I lived near a year upon that, spending
very sparingly, and eking things out to the utmost; but still when I
looked before me, my very heart would sink within me at the inevitable
approach of misery and want. Oh let none read this part without
seriously reflecting on the circumstances of a desolate state, and how
they would grapple with mere want of friends and want of bread; it