g as a fine.

Oh, rejoice, Academicians!
Learned BRIDGE knew what to do;
Artisans or mechanicians
Might have grown as wise as you.

Which would sadden any just man,
And might make an angel weep--
DICKSEE distanced by a dustman,
STOREY staggered by a sweep!

BOUGHTON beaten by a baker,
Housemaids humbling helpless HOOK;
STONE surpassed by sausage-maker,
COOPER conquered by a cook!

CROWE or CROFTS crushed by a cow-boy,
MILLAIS made by milkmen mad,
PETTIE plucked by any ploughboy,
LEIGHTON licked by butcher's lad!

It effected all you care for,
But Sir JOHN has pulled you through;
Bold Bow-Street's Beak is, therefore,
No Bridge of Sighs for you

* * * * *

"A NOTE ON THE APPRECIATION OF GOLD."--Send a five-pound note (verified
by the Bank of England) to our office, and we will undertake to get it
changed _immediately_, and thereupon to hand over to the Bearer, in
exchange for the note, _two golden sovereigns, and one golden
half-sovereign, ready cash_. This will show what is _our_ appreciation
of gold.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE SKELETON AT THE FEAST.]

"I confess it does seem to me that certain decisions made by a competent
tribunal hare rendered it extremely doubtful whether there is a single
one of the 670 gentlemen who now compose the House of Commons, who might
not find himself, by some accident, unseated, if a full investigation
were made into everything that had taken place in his constituency, say,
during the ten years preceding his candidature."--_Mr. Balfour at
Sheffield._

_M.P. (of any Party you please), loquitur:--_

PHEW! It's all very fine, when you gather to dine,
And to blow off the steam, while you blow off your 'bacca,
(As the farmers of Aylesbury did, when their wine
Was sweetened with "news from the Straits of Malacca");
But things are much changed since the voters of Bucks
Flushed red with loud fun at the phrases of DIZZY,
And M.P.'s are dreadfully down on their lucks,
Since BALFOUR'S confounded "tribunals" got busy.

What precious stiff posers to loyal Primrosers
Are offered by Rochester, Walsall, and Hexham!
Platform perorators, post-prandial glosers,
Must find many points to perplex 'em and vex 'em.
It bothers a spouter who freely would flourish
Coat-tails and mixed tropes at political dinners,
When dou