I begin to think I
have been mistaken or misled?" I not only know that she had heard evil
reports of me, but I know who told her--one of those acute fellows, my
dear brethren, of whom we spoke in a previous sermon, who has found me
out--found out actions which I never did, found out thoughts and
sayings which I never spoke, and judged me accordingly. Ah, my lad!
have I found _you_ out? _O risum teneatis_. Perhaps the person I am
accusing is no more guilty than I.

How comes it that the evil which men say spreads so widely and lasts so
long, whilst our good kind words don't seem somehow to take root and
bear blossom? Is it that in the stony hearts of mankind these pretty
flowers can't find a place to grow? Certain it is that scandal is good
brisk talk, whereas praise of one's neighbour is by no means lively
hearing. An acquaintance grilled, scored, devilled, and served with
mustard and cayenne pepper, excites the appetite; whereas a slice of
cold friend with currant jelly is but a sickly, unrelishing meat.

Now, such being the case, my dear worthy Mrs. Candour, in whom I know
there are a hundred good and generous qualities: it being perfectly
clear that the good things which we say of our neighbours don't
fructify, but somehow perish in the ground where they are dropped,
whilst the evil words are wafted by all the winds of scandal, take root
in all soils, and flourish amazingly--seeing, I say, that this
conversation does not give us a fair chance, suppose we give up
censoriousness altogether, and decline uttering our opinions about
Brown, Jones, and Robinson (and Mesdames B., J., and R.) at all. We may
be mistaken about every one of them, as, please goodness, those
anecdote-mongers against whom I have uttered my meek protest have been
mistaken about me. We need not go to the extent of saying that Mrs.
Manning was an amiable creature, much misunderstood; and Jack Thurtell
a gallant unfortunate fellow, not near so black as he was painted; but
we will try and avoid personalities altogether in talk, won't we? We
will range the fields of science, dear madam, and communicate to each
other the pleasing results of our studies. We will, if you please,
examine the infinitesimal wonders of nature through the microscope. We
will cultivate entomology. We will sit with our arms round each other's
waists on the _pons asinorum_, and see the stream of mathematics flow
beneath. We will take refuge in cards, and play at "beggar my
neigh