evil tempted her
By a High-Dutch interpreter;
If either of them had a navel;
Who first made music malleable;
Whether the serpent, at the fall,
Had cloven feet, or none at all;
All this without a gloss or comment,
He could unriddle in a moment,
In proper terms such as men smatter,
When they throw out and miss the matter.
For his religion it was fit
To match his learning and his wit;
'Twas Presbyterian true blue,
For he was of that stubborn crew
Of errant saints, whom all men grant
To be the true church militant:
Such as do build their faith upon
The holy text of pike and gun;
Decide all controversies by
Infallible artillery;
And prove their doctrine orthodox
By apostolic blows and knocks;
Call fire, and sword, and desolation,
A godly thorough reformation,
Which always must be carried on,
And still be doing, never done:
As if religion were intended
For nothing else but to be mended.
A sect whose chief devotion lies
In odd perverse antipathies:
In falling out with that or this,
And finding somewhat still amiss
More peevish, cross, and splenetic,
Than dog distract, or monkey sick
That with more care keep holiday
The wrong, than others the right way:
Compound for sins they are inclin'd to,
By damning those they have no mind to.
Still so perverse and opposite,
As if they worshipp'd God for spite.
The self-same thing they will abhor
One way, and long another for.
Free-will they one way disavow,
Another, nothing else allow.

XV. THE CHARACTER OF A SMALL POET.

From Butler's "Characters", a series of satirical portraits akin to
those of Theophrastus.

The Small Poet is one that would fain make himself that which nature
never meant him; like a fanatic that inspires himself with his own
whimsies. He sets up haberdasher of small poetry, with a very small
stock and no credit. He believes it is invention enough to find out
other men's wit; and whatsoever he lights upon, either in books or
company, he makes bold with as his own. This he puts together so
untowardly, that you may perceive his own wit as the rickets, by the
swelling disproportion of the joints. You may know his wit not to be
natural, 'tis so unquiet and troublesome in him: for as those that have
money but seldom, are always shaking their pockets when they have it,
so does he, when he thinks he has got something that will make him
appear witty. He