n your eyelids seem so heavy
You could swear they were of lead;
When your tongue is thickly coated
And you have an awful thirst;
When you drink so much cold water
That you feel about to burst;
When you lift your hand towards heaven
And solemnly do say:
"I'm going to 'cut out' drinking
And I'll swear off right to-day."

A WONDERFUL FEAT.

I never walk along the street
Because I haven't any feet;
Nor is this strange when I repeat
That I am but a garden beet.

APRIL FOOL.

'Twas on the f-f-f-first of April D-D-Day,
W-w-w-when Nature s-s-smiled and all w-w-was gay,
And I--w-w-why I was in a w-w-whirl,
'C-c-cause I w-w-was w-w-walking w-w-with my g-g-girl.

We w-w-wandered through a leafless w-w-wood
W-w-where many giant oak-t-t-trees s-s-stood,
And p-p-paused beside a d-d-dark g-g-green pool
And sat d-d-down on a rustic s-s-stool.

T-t-then out I s-s-spoke in accents b-b-bold,
And all m-m-my l-love for her I t-t-told.
She answered w-w-with a sweet, s-s-hy g-g-glance
That pierced m-m-my h-h-heart like C-C-Cupid's l-lance.

I seized her in a t-t-tight embrace,
And s-s-showered k-k-kisses on her f-f-face,
And t-t-told her that I'd g-g-give my l-life
If she would only b-b-be my w-w-wife.

"Please k-k-keep your l-l-life," the m-m-maid replied
"F-f-for I w-w-will gladly b-b-be your b-b-bride,
And y-y-you" she s-s-said, in t-t-tones quite c-c-cool,
"W-w-why you c-c-can b-b-be my April F-F-Fool."

BRUTAL MARY.

Mary had a little lamb,
The lamb was always buttin'
So Mary killed the little lamb
And turned him into mutton.

YOU COULDN'T HARDLY NOTICE IT AT ALL.

There was a girl in our town
Who dearly loved to flirt,
But the home folks never noticed it at all.
The women in the neighborhood
All said she was too pert,
But she never even noticed them at all.

One night a young man came to call
Who was considered slow,
But when he got alone with her,
He turned the lights down low.
He begged her for a little kiss,
She softly murmured "No,"
But you couldn't hardly notice it at all.

THE ALARM CLOCK.

With a clatter and a jangle,
And a wrangle and a screech,
How the old alarm clock wheeze