he green-eyed monster lurking in the background.

* * * * *

[Illustration:
_Soulful Soldier (carried away by red sunset)._ "BY JOVE! LOOK AT THAT!
ISN'T IT GLORIOUS?"

_His Tent Mate._ "YUS. ANOTHER MUCKIN' 'OT DAY TO-MORRER."

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

LXIV.

MY DEAR CHARLES,--Since I last wrote to you I have enjoyed
seeing again an officer with whom I had many curious dealings in
the past, and who, if half the facts he divulges about himself
were true, would certainly be the wickedest Colonel in the
B.E.F., notwithstanding that he fought busily in the early
stages and had the best part of himself knocked out in so doing.
He has performed many strange duties since, and the steps he
took to qualify for one of them will, I think, illustrate for
you his wickedness.

It has been found, on experience, that modesty is out of place
when you are being called upon to state your qualifications for
a post. The knowing, upon being asked if they possess certain
attributes, reply in an immediate affirmative and add others,
just to be on the safe side. It is felt that what is really
required in this War is thrust and ingenuity, things which
adequately make up for the absence of any specialist knowledge.
Accordingly my friend found himself described as possessing,
among other things, "French, fluent." It was not until he was
informed that the Official Interpreter would like to hear a
little of this that he looked more closely into the matter and
discovered that he knew no French at all. Undismayed, he spent
the two days' interval before the _viva-voce_ examination in
learning some. You might suppose that two days is a short time
in which to become so familiar with a strange language that you
may be able to understand and answer any question which may be
put to you in it. Sly friend, however, did not let this worry
him. He learnt by heart a long and detailed narrative, embracing
all the most impressive idioms and all the most popular slang,
the subject of which was an accident which had occurred to him
in the earlier days of the campaign, a long and a vivid story,
which, once started, would last indefinitely and could not be
interrupted meanwhile.

Armed with no other knowledge of the French language than this,
my friend dul