affection only, but experienced all the jealousy of a lover.

With Miss Goton this passion might have acquired a degree of fury; I
should have been a Turk, a tiger, had I once imagined she bestowed her
favors on any but myself. The pleasure I felt on approaching Miss Vulson
was sufficiently ardent, though unattended with uneasy sensations; but at
sight of Miss Goton, I felt myself bewildered--every sense was absorbed
in ecstasy. I believe it would have been impossible to have remained
long with her; I must have been suffocated with the violence of my
palpitations. I equally dreaded giving either of them displeasure; with
one I was more complaisant; with the other, more submissive. I would not
have offended Miss Vulson for the world; but if Miss Goton had commanded
me to throw myself into the flames, I think I should have instantly
obeyed her. Happily, both for her and myself, our amours; or rather
rendezvous, were not of long duration: and though my connection with Miss
Vulson was less dangerous, after a continuance of some greater length,
that likewise had its catastrophe; indeed the termination of a love
affair is good for nothing, unless it partakes of the romantic, and can
furnish out at least an exclamation.

Though my correspondence with Miss Vulson was less animated, it was
perhaps more endearing; we never separated without tears, and it can
hardly be conceived what a void I felt in my heart. I could neither
think nor speak of anything but her. These romantic sorrows were not
affected, though I am inclined to believe they did not absolutely centre
in her, for I am persuaded (though I did not perceive it at that time)
being deprived of amusement bore a considerable share in them.

To soften the rigor of absence, we agreed to correspond with each other,
and the pathetic expressions these letters contained were sufficient to
have split a rock. In a word, I had the honor of her not being able to
endure the pain of separation. She came to see me at Geneva.

My head was now completely turned; and during the two days she remained
here, I was intoxicated with delight. At her departure, I would have
thrown myself into the water after her, and absolutely rent the air with
my cries. The week following she sent me sweetmeats, gloves, etc. This
certainly would have appeared extremely gallant, had I not been informed
of her marriage at the same instant, and that the journey I had thought
proper to give myself the