s so far as to have a desire to
take one of my children from the hospital. She knew I had put a cipher
into the swaddling clothes of the eldest; she asked me for the
counterpart of the cipher, and I gave it to her. In this research she
employed La Roche, her valet de chambre and confidential servant, who
made vain inquiries, although after only about twelve or fourteen years,
had the registers of the foundling hospital been in order, or the search
properly made, the original cipher ought to have been found. However
this may be, I was less sorry for his want of success than I should have
been had I from time to time continued to see the child from its birth
until that moment. If by the aid of the indications given, another child
had been presented as my own, the doubt of its being so in fact, and the
fear of having one thus substituted for it, would have contracted my
affections, and I should not have tasted of the charm of the real
sentiment of nature. This during infancy stands in need of being
supported by habit. The long absence of a child whom the father has seen
but for an instant, weakens, and at length annihilates paternal
sentiment, and parents will never love a child sent to nurse, like that
which is brought up under their eyes. This reflection may extenuate my
faults in their effects, but it must aggravate them in their source.

It may not perhaps be useless to remark that by the means of Theresa, the
same La Roche became acquainted with Madam le Vasseur, whom Grimm still
kept at Deuil, near La Chevrette, and not far from Montmorency.

After my departure it was by means of La Roche that I continued to send
this woman the money I had constantly sent her at stated times, and I am
of opinion he often carried her presents from Madam de Luxembourg;
therefore she certainly was not to be pitied, although she constantly
complained. With respect to Grimm, as I am not fond of speaking of
persons whom I ought to hate, I never mentioned his name to Madam de
Luxembourg, except when I could not avoid it; but she frequently made him
the subject of conversation, without telling me what she thought of the
man, or letting me discover whether or not he was of her acquaintance.
Reserve with people I love and who are open with me being contrary to my
nature, especially in things relating to themselves, I have since that
time frequently thought of that of Madam de Luxembourg; but never, except
when other events rendered the