ladies, the big-wigs begin to sneer at the course of our
studies, calling our darling romances foolish, trivial, noxious to the
mind, enervators of intellect, fathers of idleness, and what not, let
us at once take a high ground, and say,--Go you to your own employments,
and to such dull studies as you fancy; go and bob for triangles, from
the Pons Asinorum; go enjoy your dull black draughts of metaphysics;
go fumble over history books, and dissert upon Herodotus and Livy;
OUR histories are, perhaps, as true as yours; our drink is the brisk
sparkling champagne drink, from the presses of Colburn, Bentley and
Co.; our walks are over such sunshiny pleasure-grounds as Scott and
Shakspeare have laid out for us; and if our dwellings are castles in
the air, we find them excessively splendid and commodious;--be not
you envious because you have no wings to fly thither. Let the big-wigs
despise us; such contempt of their neighbors is the custom of all
barbarous tribes;--witness, the learned Chinese: Tippoo Sultaun declared
that there were not in all Europe ten thousand men: the Sklavonic
hordes, it is said, so entitled themselves from a word in their jargon,
which signifies "to speak;" the ruffians imagining that they had a
monopoly of this agreeable faculty, and that all other nations were
dumb.

Not so: others may be DEAF; but the novelist has a loud, eloquent,
instructive language, though his enemies may despise or deny it ever so
much. What is more, one could, perhaps, meet the stoutest historian on
his own ground, and argue with him; showing that sham histories were
much truer than real histories; which are, in fact, mere contemptible
catalogues of names and places, that can have no moral effect upon the
reader.

As thus:--

Julius Caesar beat Pompey, at Pharsalia.
The Duke of Marlborough beat Marshal Tallard at Blenheim.
The Constable of Bourbon beat Francis the First, at Pavia.

And what have we here?--so many names, simply. Suppose Pharsalia had
been, at that mysterious period when names were given, called Pavia;
and that Julius Caesar's family name had been John Churchill;--the fact
would have stood in history, thus:--

"Pompey ran away from the Duke of Marlborough at Pavia."

And why not?--we should have been just as wise. Or it might be stated
that--

"The tenth legion charged the French infantry at Blenheim; and
Caesar, writing home to his mamma, said, 'Madame, tout est perdu
fors l'