have not yet heard any remarks relative to my mother.

_Capt. Mer._ I take it for granted, from your report of your father, and
my knowledge (_bowing_) of the offspring, that she must be equally
amiable.

_Capt. Eth._ Had she been so, I should not have been silent; but as I
have no secrets from you, I must say, she is not the--the very paragon
of perfection.

_Capt. Mer._ I am sorry for it.

_Capt. Eth._ My father, disgusted with the matrimonial traps that were
set for the post-captain, and baronet of ten thousand a year, resolved,
as he imagined wisely, to marry a woman in inferior life; who, having no
pretensions of her own, would be humble and domestic. He chose one of
his tenant's daughters, who was demure to an excess. The soft paw of the
cat conceals her talons. My mother turned out the very antipodes of his
expectations.

_Capt. Mer._ Hum!

_Capt. Eth._ Without any advantages, excepting her alliance with my
father, and a tolerable share of rural beauty, she is as proud as if
descended from the house of Hapsburg--insults her equals, tramples on
her inferiors, and--what is worse than all--treats my father very ill.

_Capt. Mer._ Treats him ill! what! he that was such a martinet, such a
disciplinarian on board! She does not beat him?

_Capt. Eth._ No, not exactly; but so completely has she gained the upper
hand, that the Admiral is as subdued as a dancing bear, obeying her
orders with a growl, but still obeying them. At her command he goads
himself into a passion with whomsoever she may point as the object of
his violence.

_Capt. Mer._ How completely she must have mastered him! How can he
submit to it?

_Capt. Eth._ Habit, my dear Mertoun, reconciles us too much; and he, at
whose frown hundreds of gallant fellows trembled, is now afraid to meet
the eye of a woman. To avoid anger with her, he affects anger with every
one else. This I mention to you, that you may guide your conduct towards
her. Aware of your partiality to my sister, it may be as well----

_Capt. Mer._ To hold the candle to the devil, you mean. Your pardon,
Etheridge, for the grossness of the proverb.

_Capt. Eth._ No apology, my dear fellow. Hold the candle when you will,
it will not burn before a saint, and that's the truth. Follow my advice,
and I will insure you success. I only wish that my amatory concerns had
so promising an appearance.

_Capt. Mer._ Why, I never knew that you were stricken.

_Capt. Eth._ The fact is, that I am