e against
the fickle mob's changes in temperature.

When you board the train of life for the city of happiness, don't let
Conductor Sorrow ring the bell and drop you off at the wrong station.
Check your baggage through, and don't use the sleeping-car too much.

Uncle Joe and Statehood.

(Note: The press dispatches indicate that Uncle Joe Cannon, Speaker of
the House of Representatives, is doing all he can to defeat the
Statehood bill.)

If Uncle Joe'd come off the perch and let us build a state
We'd resolute to beat the band and call him wise and great;
We'd hand him taffy, chunk on chunk, and sling the sugar out
Till that old duffer'd surely think he's what you read about:
But your Uncle Joe is mighty and he has a stubborn will,
And he's done malicious murder to the Statehood bill!

It is true the bill is faulty; it is true if we'd our way,
It would need a lot of fixing ere it saw the light of day;
But we beggars are not choosers, and just any sort of state
Now would set the anvils roaring when we came to celebrate;
And we think he's small potatoes and quite scanty in the hill
When he sets himself to knocking on the Statehood bill!

If he'd just be rather friendly, we would praise him up a bit
And we'd give him such a jolly that he'd lose his nerve and quit;
But he carries him so haughty and he bangs his hands so loud
That he scares the day-lights out us and he frightens all the crowd;
And whate'er his plan or purpose, it is plain he's bound to kill
That sweet child of all the statesmen that we call the Statehood bill!

If he'd listen to our troubles and his haughtiness relax,
Then the bill we love and cherish would escape the butcher's ax
But with him across the pathway, it as plain as day appears
That our hopes are only rainbows and we chase them down the years;
Oh, we wish him every gladness and we never wish him ill,
But we hope he'll quit his meanness to the Statehood bill!

Uncle Joey! Uncle Joey! Won't you for the once be good?
Won't you let us find fruition for the hopes misunderstood?
If you'll only mend your manners and repenting let us in
We will jolly you forever, we will pat your cheek and chin;
Or we'll lay for you till doom's-day and we'll then be hoping still
That the boys will overrule you and will save the Statehood bill!

Small Bills.

"Is the Legislature passing any big bills?" inqu