ight begins to fade,
And I must quit these rural joys
To labour at my daily trade
Mid London's dust and noise.

Back to the buses and the trams,
To think on Spring's recurring boon,
Especially the calves and lambs:
They will be ready soon.

DUM-DUM.

* * * * *

"Carpentier was getting to be a sorry sight at the finish. There
was hardly anything to indicate that Jeannette had been in a
15-round glove-fight."--_Times._

"All this Carpentier stood well, and quick as lightning at long
range cut the mulatto's face to bits."--_Morning Post._

We think our contemporaries are carrying their rivalry with each other
too far.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE CRAZE FOR SALARIED OFFICIALS-SOME SUGGESTIONS.

1 WHY NOT HAVE _CONTROLLERS OF CONVIVIALITY_ TO CHECK OVER-INDULGENCE IN
EATING.

2 AND DRINKING?

3 OR _WARDENS OF REPUTATIONS_ TO SUPPRESS SCANDAL

4 AND TITTLE-TATTLE?

5 OR _CENSORS OF PHRASEOLOGY_ TO RESTRAIN BAD LANGUAGE?

6 BUT BEST OF ALL, MAKE _EVERYBODY_ AN _INSPECTOR OF OFFICIALS_, SO THAT
THE GREAT BRITISH PUBLIC CAN GET A LITTLE OF ITS OWN BACK.]

* * * * *

COUNTRY LIFE EXHIBITION.

INTERESTING PROGRAMME.

Arrangements have now been completed for holding at the Piscicultural
Hall, Kensington, an exhibition, the aim of which is to impart
instruction in the art of living in the country. Such assistance is of
the highest value, since many persons otherwise capable enough are
unable to manage rural ways at once or deal with even such ordinary
difficulties as neighbours' visits, invitations to garden parties,
dinners, &c., political confessions, the retention of servants, the
lighting system, the Vicar's calls, and so forth.

HOW TO KEEP SERVANTS.

On this most difficult problem lectures will be given by a practised
chatelaine. Various different makes of gramophones will be on view, with
a list of tunes most acceptable to the servants'-hall. The maximum
possible distance of the house from the nearest picture palace has been
worked out from illuminating statistics. Useful hints about followers
may also be gathered here.

CHURCH.

Not every one in the country goes to church, but none can escape
acquaintance with the Vicar. Hints as to how to deal with him are freely
offered, and a variety of excuses for non-att