I began to
despair of the Church of England, and gave up all clerical duty; and
then, what I wrote and did was influenced by a mere wish not to injure
it, and not by the wish to benefit it:

"At the beginning of the tenth year I distinctly contemplated leaving
it, but I also distinctly told my friends that it was in my
contemplation.

"Lastly, during the last half of that tenth year I was engaged in
writing a book (Essay on Development) in favour of the Roman Church, and
indirectly against the English; but even then, till it was finished, I
had not absolutely intended to publish it, wishing to reserve to myself
the chance of changing my mind when the argumentative views which were
actuating me had been distinctly brought out before me in writing.

"I wish this statement, which I make from memory, and without consulting
any document, severely tested by my writings and doings, as I am
confident it will, on the whole, be borne out, whatever real or apparent
exceptions (I suspect none) have to be allowed by me in detail.

"Your uncle is at liberty to make what use he pleases of this
explanation."

* * * * *

I have now reached an important date in my narrative, the year 1843; but
before proceeding to the matters which it contains, I will insert
portions of my letters from 1841 to 1843, addressed to Catholic
acquaintances.

1. "April 8, 1841 ... The unity of the Church Catholic is very near my
heart, only I do not see any prospect of it in our time; and I despair
of its being effected without great sacrifices on all hands. As to
resisting the Bishop's will, I observe that no point of doctrine or
principle was in dispute, but a course of action, the publication of
certain works. I do not think you sufficiently understood our position.
I suppose you would obey the Holy See in such a case; now, when we were
separated from the Pope, his authority reverted to our Diocesans. Our
Bishop is our Pope. It is our theory, that each diocese is an integral
Church, intercommunion being a duty, (and the breach of it a sin,) but
not essential to Catholicity. To have resisted my Bishop, would have
been to place myself in an utterly false position, which I never could
have recovered. Depend upon it, the strength of any party lies in its
being _true to its theory_. Consistency is the life of a movement.

"I have no misgivings whatever that the line I have taken can be other
than a prosperous one: that i