ostess are quite sure of my name when I dine there; after an
abstracted welcome, they rarely put themselves out to entertain their
guests. Black coats and evening dresses alternate in pleasing
perspective down the long line of their table. Their gold plate is out,
and the _chef_ has been allowed to work his own sweet will, so they give
themselves no further trouble.

Why does not some one suggest to these amphitrions to send fifteen
dollars in prettily monogrammed envelopes to each of their friends,
requesting them to expend it on a dinner. The compliment would be quite
as personal, and then the guests might make up little parties to suit
themselves, which would be much more satisfactory than going "in" with
some one chosen at hazard from their host's visiting list, and less
fatiguing to that gentleman and his family.

No. 33--The Introducer

We all suffer more or less from the perennial "freshness" of certain
acquaintances--tiresome people whom a misguided Providence has endowed
with over-flowing vitality and an irrepressible love of their fellowmen,
and who, not content with looking on life as a continual "spree," insist
on making others happy in spite of themselves. Their name is legion and
their presence ubiquitous, but they rarely annoy as much as when
disguised under the mask of the "Introducer." In his clutches one is
helpless. It is impossible to escape from such philanthropic tyranny.
He, in his freshness, imagines that to present human beings to each other
is his mission in this world and moves through life making these platonic
unions, oblivious, as are other match-makers, of the misery he creates.

If you are out for a quiet stroll, one of these genial gentlemen is sure
to come bounding up, and without notice or warning present you to his
"friend,"--the greater part of the time a man he has met only an hour
before, but whom he endows out of the warehouse of his generous
imagination with several talents and all the virtues. In order to make
the situation just one shade more uncomfortable, this kindly bore
proceeds to sing a hymn of praise concerning both of you to your faces,
adding, in order that you may both feel quite friendly and pleasant:

"I know you two will fancy each other, you are so alike,"--a phrase
neatly calculated to nip any conversation in the bud. You detest the
unoffending stranger on the spot and would like to kill the bore. Not to
appear an absolute brute you struggle