crowd up this passage. This way, sir, make haste; the
Court's waiting for you, why do you keep the Court waiting in this way?"

"I was just going to strike your case out," said the Judge, "the public
time can't be wasted in this way."

Bumpkin scrambled along through the crowd, and was hustled into the
witness-box. The Judge put up his eye-glass, and looked at the plaintiff
as though he was hardly fit to bring an action in a Superior Court. Up
went the book into his hand. "Take the book in your right hand. Kiss
the book; now attend and speak up--speak up so that those gentlemen may
hear."

"Why weren't you here before?" asked the Judge.

"I wur, my lord?"

"Didn't you hear your learned counsel opening your case?"

"I didn't know it wur my case," said Bumpkin, amid roars of laughter.

"I don't wonder at that," said Mr. Ricochet, looking at the jury.

"Now then," said the Judge.

"And now, then," said Mr. Silverspoon; for neither of his own counsel was
able to be present.

"You are a farmer, I believe?"

"I be."

"On the 29th of May, 18--; did the defendant come to your farm?"

"Ur did."

"Did he buy a pig?"

"Ur did not; but ur said he'd be d---d if ur wouldn't 'ave un."

"And did he come and take it away?"

"Ur did; pulled un slick out of the sty; and when I tried to stop un in
the Lane, took un by main force?"

Mr. Silverspoon sat down.

"What was the age of this pig, Mr. Bumpkin," enquired the Judge.

"He wur ten weeks old, your lord."

"Isn't there a calf case, Mr. Ricochet, very similar to this?"

"Yes, my lord."

"I think," said Mr. Justice Pangloss, "it was tried in the reign of James
the First."

Mr. Ricochet, who knew nothing of the calf case, except what his Lordship
had told him, said he believed it was.

"If this was anything," continued Mr. Ricochet, "upon the plaintiff's own
showing it was a felony, and the plaintiff should have prosecuted the
defendant criminally before having recourse to his civil remedy; that is
laid down in the sheep case reported in Walker's Trumpery Cases."

"What volume of the Trumpery Cases is that, Mr. Ricochet?"

"Six hundred and fifty, my lud."

His Lordship writes it down. "Page?" says his lordship.

"Nineteen hundred and ninety-five, my lud; about the middle of the book."

Judge calls to the Usher to bring the six hundred and fiftieth volume of
Walker's Trumpery Cases.

"But there's a case before that," said his lordship. "There's