ses of religion as there were once, and many divines of
our Church would have them again, I often think I would retire to one and
pass my life in penance. But I would love you still--yes, there is no sin
in such a love as mine now; and my dear lord in heaven may see my heart;
and knows the tears that have washed my sin away--and now--now my duty is
here, by my children whilst they need me, and by my poor old father,
and----"
"And not by me?" Henry said.
"Hush!" she said again, and raised her hand up to his lip. "I have been
your nurse. You could not see me, Harry, when you were in the small-pox,
and I came and sat by you. Ah! I prayed that I might die, but it would
have been in sin, Henry. Oh, it is horrid to look back to that time. It is
over now and past, and it has been forgiven me. When you need me again I
will come ever so far. When your heart is wounded, then come to me, my
dear. Be silent! let me say all. You never loved me, dear Henry--no, you do
not now, and I thank Heaven for it. I used to watch you, and knew by a
thousand signs that it was so. Do you remember how glad you were to go
away to college? 'Twas I sent you. I told my papa that, and Mr. Atterbury
too, when I spoke to him in London. And they both gave me
absolution--both--and they are godly men, having authority to bind and to
loose. And they forgave me, as my dear lord forgave me before he went to
heaven."
"I think the angels are not all in heaven," Mr. Esmond said. And as a
brother folds a sister to his heart; and as a mother cleaves to her son's
breast--so for a few moments Esmond's beloved mistress came to him and
blessed him.
Chapter VII. I Am Made Welcome At Walcote
As they came up to the house at Walcote, the windows from within were
lighted up with friendly welcome; the supper-table was spread in the
oak-parlour; it seemed as if forgiveness and love were awaiting the
returning prodigal. Two or three familiar faces of domestics were on the
lookout at the porch--the old housekeeper was there, and young Lockwood
from Castlewood in my lord's livery of tawny and blue. His dear mistress
pressed his arm as they passed into the hall. Her eyes beamed out on him
with affection indescribable. "Welcome," was all she said: as she looked
up, putting back her fair curls and black hood. A sweet rosy smile blushed
on her face: Harry thought he had never seen her look so charming. Her
face was lighted with a joy that was brighter than beauty--sh
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