le about the girls; they had no
terrors for him now. An exquisite peace came upon him. It was many
years since he had had the feeling.

CHAPTER II.

He was not sorry to have the afternoon free, for it gave him the
opportunity of writing long letters to Helen and to his father. He
felt he owed it to both to make them understand his changed attitude.

"One real critical moment in a life," he went on to write to Helen,
after narrating all that had occurred up to that very moment,
"suffices to work changes that may seem almost miraculous. I am not
going to say that the prophecy you made just to encourage me a little
is going to be fulfilled. Happiness is not for me--I have lost the
essential factors of that. But a cheerful acceptance of life, a full
use of each day, a consciousness of submission to a healthy
self-discipline, must bring me a healthy sense of worthiness.

"Of course you will see that my making the payment of Cleo's debts a
sort of goal will enable me to test my strength. Once I arrive at the
goal, I shall be able to hold my head high. I have done the one and
only thing, and it was good for me that the means were so near at
hand. And so I hope to have your approval both of my determination and
of my returning you this bank-note. I have still eighteen-pence in my
pocket, and Mr. Kettering says I can draw a few shillings whenever I
feel in need of them.

"I dare say my donning an apron and holding a composing-stick
must at moments seem quite comic to you. Viewed by itself, it no doubt
_is_ comic. But it isn't a fact to be looked at by itself. It is a
fact which has a relation to my whole existence--in the past, present,
and future--and must be strictly viewed in such relation.

"I don't know why I should mention this except that I caught a sudden
glimpse of myself as a workman and found myself smiling. Every life
must have its critical moments, and I feel that I have just passed
through mine. I have come out with different conceptions of things;
moreover, I seem to have found the key to the scheme of my existence,
and, though as yet only in a haunting way, to understand the
underlying principle, working through all my dreamings, my failures,
my mistakes, and my folly, towards my redemption."

In the letter to his father he necessarily had to condense a good
deal, as the ground to be covered was so extensive. And some instinct
urged him to be silent about his attempt at suicide. He told briefly