the backs of the extra mules. It was a
princely fortune.
"Do you suppose," said the Old Codger with the Wooden Leg, "that--er--I
shall be able to obtain, in the City of Towers, such a thing as a
pipeful--ahem!--a pipeful of tobacco?"
"Never fear," said the Third Vice-President. "I fancy you will be able
to buy there all the tobacco you can use."
"Wery sorry I am to 'ear it," said Mr. Punch. "Hi regard the tobacco
'abit as a wery reprehensible 'abit. Wery."
"Oh, you do!" said Toby, glaring at him.
"Wery reprehensible indeed," went on Mr. Punch, calmly. "My conscience
'as troubled me for a long time by reason of my position in the tobacco
trade. Being posted, as one may s'y, in a wery hadwantageous position
for hobserwation, I 'ave seen too much, entirely too much, of the sad
effects of the hobnoxious weed. Many a time 'ave I wept to myself, when
the hobserver may 'ave thought it was only rain on me cheek, to see 'em,
young and hold, going in and hout of Toby Littleback's shop, knowing
what would come of it sooner or later, and me a-standing there
hencouraging of 'em in, as one may s'y, with me packet of cigars in me
'and. Hoften enough 'ave I wished to give it hup and embark in a
hoccupation less reprehensible; many a time 'ave I said to myself, 'Ho,
hif I could only be hinnocent once, just once.' And now Hi shall put
be'ind me hall the d'ys of me sinful past, and with my share of the
treasure Hi shall open a shop for the purveying of tripe."
"There's a deal more harm been done by tripe than ever there was by
tobacco," said Toby.
"There is a total absence of nicotine in tripe," said Mr. Punch,
loftily. "At least, such is my hinformation. And I carn't 'elp 'oping
that my friend Littleback will reform hisself, now that 'e can afford
it, and engage in some pursuit less 'armful to the young. Hif I was
arsked, I would suggest pinking and pleating."
"You ain't been asked," said Toby. "I can see myself pinking and
pleating. When I want advice what to do with my money, I'll ask you.
Tobacco is my line, and tobacco is going to be my line to the end of the
chapter, and that's flat. Pinking and pleating! Humph."
"It's my belief," said the Churchwarden, "after listening to what's been
said, pro and con, backwards and forwards, up and down, that if we don't
start for the City of Towers, we'll never get there."
"And what's more," said Toby, "when I get back I'm going to have an
_Indian_ outside my door, instead
|