t of stuff, was Gertie, an', if only she'd spoke English
instead of this bloomin' lingo what sounds like swearin' ..." and here
"Pongo" wandered off into a series of reminiscences of Gertie that have
little to do with war and nothing to do with grumbling.

"'Owever, as I was sayin'," he continued at last, "that there Alf Cobb
used to fair aggryvate me with 'is grousin'. When 'e got sent up for a
spell in the trenches, and 'ad all 'the fun of the fightin',' 'e groused
because 'e couldn't go off to some ole estaminet an' order 'is glass o'
bitters like a dook. 'E groused becos 'e 'adn't got a feather bed, 'e
groused becos 'e 'ad to cook 'is own food, an' 'e groused becos 'e
didn't like the 'Uns. An' then when a whizz-bang landed on the parapet
an' gave 'im a nice Blighty one in the arm, 'e groused becos 'e was
afraid the sea'd be rough when 'e crossed over, an' 'e groused becos 'e
couldn't light 'is own pipe. 'E's the sort of bloke what I don't like.

"What I like is a bloke like ole Lewis, who was always chirpy. 'E 'ad
the rheumatics something fearful, but 'e never grumbled. Then 'e'd jest
gone an' got spliced afore the war, an' 'is missis got 'im into debt an'
then ran off with a fellow what works in the munitions. 'No good
grousin',' says ole Joe Lewis, an' 'e still stayed cheerful, an' the
night 'e 'eard as 'ow 'is young woman 'ad gone off 'e played away on 'is
ole mouth-organ as 'appily as a fellow what's on 'is way to the Green
Dragon with five bob in 'is pocket. The other blokes what knew about it
thought as 'ow Joe didn't care at all, but I was 'is mate an' I knew as
'ow it 'urt a lot. When 'e got knocked over in that attack down Lee
Bassey way, I jest stopped by 'im for a minute. 'Don't you worry about
me, Pongo,' says 'e, 'I couldn't stand 'ome without 'er'--meanin' 'is
missis, you see--'an' I'd rather 'op it like this. If I 'ad me ole
mouth-organ 'ere, I'd give you chaps a tune to 'elp you on like.' That's
the sort of bloke 'e was, chirpy up to the end. I 'ad to go on to the
'Un trenches, an' I never saw 'im again, for a big shell came along an'
buried 'im.

"After all," continued "Pongo" after a pause, "it's a life what 'as its
advantages. I ain't got to put on a 'ard collar o' Sundays out 'ere like
me ole woman makes me do at 'ome. Then, I might 'ave stuck in that shell
'ole and 'ave been drowned; I might not 'ave 'ad a clean shirt to dry
meself with; I might 'ave been 'it by a 'crump' yesterday. Yes, it mig