Edwin felt
themselves free of piety till six o'clock at least, and they doggedly
would not respond. And Darius from prudence did not insist, for he had
arrived at chapel unthinkably late--during the second chant--and Clara
was capable of audacious remarks upon occasions. The silence grew
stolid.

And Edwin wondered what the dinner-table of the Orgreaves was like. And
he could smell fresh mortar. And he dreamed of a romantic life--he knew
not what kind of life, but something different fundamentally from his
own. He suddenly understood, understood with sympathy, the impulse
which had made boys run away to sea. He could feel the open sea; he
could feel the breath of freedom on his cheek.

He said to himself--

"Why shouldn't I break this ghastly silence by telling father out loud
here that he mustn't forget what I told him that night in the attic?
I'm going to be an architect. I'm not going to be any blooming printer.
I'm going to be an architect. Why haven't I mentioned it before? Why
haven't I talked about it all the time? Because I am an ass! Because
there is no word for what I am! Damn it! I suppose I'm the person to
choose what I'm going to be! I suppose it's my business more than his.
Besides, he can't possibly refuse me. If I say flatly that I won't be a
printer--he's done. This idea of writing a letter is just like me!
Coward! Coward! What's my tongue for? Can't I talk? Isn't he bound
to listen? All I have to do is to open my mouth. He's sitting there.
I'm sitting here. He can't eat me. I'm in my rights. Now suppose I
start on it as soon as Mrs Nixon has brought the pudding and pie in?"

And he waited anxiously to see whether he indeed would be able to make a
start after the departure of Mrs Nixon.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

THREE.

Hopeless! He could not bring himself to do it. It was strange! It was
disgusting! ... No, he would be compelled to write the letter.
Besides, the letter would be more effective. His father could not
interrupt a letter by some loud illogical remark. Thus he salved his
self-conceit. He also sought relief in reflecting savagely upon the
speeches that had been made against him in the debate. He went through
them all in his mind. There was the slimy idiot from Baines's (it was
in such terms that his thoughts ran) who gloried in never having read a
word of Colenso, and called the assembled company to wi