Say, not with your lips only, but from the very bottom of your
heart, say, 'Oh, good God, Heavenly Father, I have _nothing_ to say;
I am wrong, and yet I do not know how wrong I am; but Thou knowest.
Thou seest all my sin a thousand times more clearly than I do; and
if I look black and foul to myself, oh God, how much more black and
how foul must I look to Thee! I know not. All I know is, that I am
utterly wrong, and Thou utterly right. I am shapen in sin,
conceived in iniquity. My heart it is that is wrong. Not merely
this or that wrong which I have done; but my heart, my temper, which
will have its own way, which cares for itself, and not for Thee. I
have nothing to plead; nothing to throw into the other scale. For
if I have ever done right, it was Thou didst right in me, and not me
myself, and only my sins are my own doing; so the good in me is all
Thine, and the bad in me all my own, and in _me_ dwells no good
thing. And as for excusing myself by saying that I love Thee, I had
better tell the truth, since Thou knowest it already--I do _not_
love Thee. Oh God, I love myself, my pitiful, miserable self, well
enough, and too well: but as for loving Thee--how many of my good
deeds have been done for love of Thee? I have done right from fear
of hell, from hope of heaven; or to win Thy blessings: but how
often have I done right really and purely for Thy sake? I am
ashamed to think! My only comfort, my only hope, is, that whether I
love Thee or not, Thou lovest me, and hast sent Thy Son to seek and
save me. Help me now. Save me now out of my sin, and darkness, and
self-conceit. Show Thy love to me by setting this wrong heart of
mine right. Give me a clean heart, oh God, and renew a right spirit
within me. If I be wrong myself, how can I make myself right? No;
Thou must do it. Thou must purge me, or I shall never be clean;
Thou must make me to understand wisdom in the secret depth of my
heart, or I shall never see my way. Thou must, for I cannot; and
base and bad as I am, I can believe that Thou wilt condescend to
help me and teach me, because I know Thy love in Jesus Christ my
Lord. And _then_ Thou wilt be pleased with my sacrifices and
oblations, because they come from a right heart--a truly humble,
honest, penitent heart, which is not trying to deceive God, or
plaster over its own baseness and weakness, but confesses all, and
yet trusts in God's boundless love. Then my alms will rise as a
sweet s