FREE BOOKS

Author's List




PREV.   NEXT  
|<   333   334   335   336   337   338   339   340   341   342   343   344   345   346   347   348   349   350   351   352   353   354   355   356   357  
358   359   360   361   362   363   364   365   366   367   368   369   370   >>  
t all seemed unreal, he could not understand it. At night he often worked in her room, looking up from time to time. And so often he found her blue eyes fixed on him. And when their eyes met, she smiled. He worked away again mechanically, producing good stuff without knowing what he was doing. Sometimes he came in, very pale and still, with watchful, sudden eyes, like a man who is drunk almost to death. They were both afraid of the veils that were ripping between them. Then she pretended to be better, chattered to him gaily, made a great fuss over some scraps of news. For they had both come to the condition when they had to make much of the trifles, lest they should give in to the big thing, and their human independence would go smash. They were afraid, so they made light of things and were gay. Sometimes as she lay he knew she was thinking of the past. Her mouth gradually shut hard in a line. She was holding herself rigid, so that she might die without ever uttering the great cry that was tearing from her. He never forgot that hard, utterly lonely and stubborn clenching of her mouth, which persisted for weeks. Sometimes, when it was lighter, she talked about her husband. Now she hated him. She did not forgive him. She could not bear him to be in the room. And a few things, the things that had been most bitter to her, came up again so strongly that they broke from her, and she told her son. He felt as if his life were being destroyed, piece by piece, within him. Often the tears came suddenly. He ran to the station, the tear-drops falling on the pavement. Often he could not go on with his work. The pen stopped writing. He sat staring, quite unconscious. And when he came round again he felt sick, and trembled in his limbs. He never questioned what it was. His mind did not try to analyse or understand. He merely submitted, and kept his eyes shut; let the thing go over him. His mother did the same. She thought of the pain, of the morphia, of the next day; hardly ever of the death. That was coming, she knew. She had to submit to it. But she would never entreat it or make friends with it. Blind, with her face shut hard and blind, she was pushed towards the door. The days passed, the weeks, the months. Sometimes, in the sunny afternoons, she seemed almost happy. "I try to think of the nice times--when we went to Mablethorpe, and Robin Hood's Bay, and Shanklin," she said. "After all, not everybody has seen those
PREV.   NEXT  
|<   333   334   335   336   337   338   339   340   341   342   343   344   345   346   347   348   349   350   351   352   353   354   355   356   357  
358   359   360   361   362   363   364   365   366   367   368   369   370   >>  



Top keywords:

Sometimes

 

things

 
afraid
 

worked

 

understand

 

trembled

 
unconscious
 
questioned
 

suddenly

 

station


pavement
 
stopped
 
falling
 

destroyed

 

staring

 

writing

 
passed
 

months

 

afternoons

 

Mablethorpe


Shanklin

 

thought

 

morphia

 

mother

 

submitted

 

strongly

 

pushed

 

friends

 

coming

 

submit


entreat

 

analyse

 

tearing

 

pretended

 

ripping

 
unreal
 
chattered
 

condition

 

scraps

 

smiled


mechanically
 
producing
 

watchful

 

sudden

 

knowing

 

trifles

 
clenching
 

persisted

 
stubborn
 

lonely